Like a Scene From the Movies

Where did I miss the turn?

When did it all go wrong?

Why haven’t I been able to see past all the things that have blinded me for so long?

I swear that I am not asking for a lot.

Just something.

Something small.

Something that some might even take for granted.

I swear sometimes I feel like I could be in a movie.

You know the kind where everything just falls in to place like an amazing big fat fairy tale.

But then always.

ALWAYS.

When I am about to get to the good part it stops working….

The connection is lost..

I am lost..

It is basically like the end of the world…

<——————————————————->

Don’t we all want to be someone’s favorite good morning && favorite good night?

Or is that just me?

Sometimes more often than planned..

I crave that attention..

Probably because I never get it!

But I do welcome it, just not to anyone though,

Should I be that person in the movies who goes after what they want?

Or be that person who waits for it all to come to them ?

Both sound pretty unsure.

Dammit

Let’s flip a coin && see if it will land on tails….

<——————————————————->

I always joke around && say that I will meet this person at the grocery.

We would be in the same aisle.

Reaching for the same item && actually touch hands &&

BOOM 

MOVIE GOLD

Then we have this great conversation && it turns out that we have a shit ton in common..
blah. blah. blah
&& live happily ever after….

lol

Well to be more specific.
We would be in the soup aisle.
You will be reaching for a soup near the top.. eh maybe like a cream soup
&& I will reach for the same one.
Knowing damn well I don’t eat soup..

lol

I was literally laughing the whole time while I wrote that last little bit,
(I just thought you would like to know that.)

#funfact

But man, I really don’t know.
I feel like I am always talk about the same kind of things in my posts. But it is all at different times in the year or month or day, it is just a “common” topic for myself.
(Again… this is basically my journal for you to get lost in..)

You know we all go through these things in life && sometimes revisiting it seems to shed more light on to somethings && it all makes sense again.

I am patiently “waiting”
Sort of becoming impatient because time is ticking away.

BUT

What can you really do, settling is not an option for this fool!

xoxoLaLa

 

Taking A Long Break To Live Like An Adult

Frick Frack Cadillac
Look at that, Oh hey LaLa’s Back (in actionnnnnnnnn) *screaming*

HEYYYYYYYY

How is everyone doing on this mighty fine day!? I’m going to assume everyone is in tip top amazingly fantesticle shape && feeling fabtastic on a stick.

Now…
Moving on to more important news.
So I have been in my “first” apartment for over a year now and it went by super fast and it is such a great feeling of accomplishment until…..
Them bills start flying in and it is just solely, taking on all financials by myself, the last places that I have lived were with people that I was dating at the time.

blah blah.

But that has all changed because I am a sack of shit no one wants! 🙂

(lmao totally joking)

But seriously it is sooo nice,

like so, so so nice to be able to have something like your space, your own place to yourself. It is be bees knees.. lol

It is obviously an accomplishment and is an amazingly good feeling. Something that I have not felt like ever in my many years of life and adulthood which is nice, its a nice change of pace.

Along with getting my own place, I have been working literally all the time, (usually working 6 days a week) but that has changed a little to me actually working 7 days a week for a few weeks. About a month and that is a motherfucking killer, making my weekends the longest work days at 12 hour days waking up around 6 in the morning to get home around 9:30 at night.

I know it is crazy, it is like I am addicting to working or something .

I am obsessed with being independent lol look at me committing a “crime.”

But since then I have slowed down a little with my work life. Losing a job is NOT the best thing to deal with in the world but it obviously happens. And it happened to this gal! (two thumbs up to myself) #adultlife

I know it’s not a joking matter but I am slowly waiting for my life to just fall apart completely, yay!

What else is new..

but enough about the boring lets keep this conversation moving into a more “positive” light.

So like I have mentioned before, in the beginning of this blog I am back, (that whole frick frack Cadillac bid) I haven’t really left. I have been around, just not posting a whole lot. I enjoy reading other blogs and hearing their stories.

I also enjoy writing my own things a lot so don’t be surprised if you see tons of posts out of know where, trust me it will be as normal as possible. I have literally over 50 drafts that are sitting and waiting to be finished.

I know.. I know

But that is the fun part about writing. I would love to know what you guys have been up to if anything or if you have been looking or waiting for me to post (probably not, but one can dream)

Anyways.

I feel like this is

………

Bless me!

( I literally can’t with this sneezing shit, it just ruins the mood, ha)

Well now with that I am outta here, stuffy nose and all.
Just a heads up, if you made it this far you will realize that I clearly went off track and had nothing else to add to this blog but the main purpose was to let all you fantastic people know that I am still here! (trying)

xoxoLaLa

Bring on the STORM!

Bring on the storm
Bring on the hurt
Bring on the pain
Bring on the sorrow

Let the tears stream down these cheeks upon your face
Let the words speak that have been hidden for so long

Release the anger that can no longer be built,
For it is ready to be torn down

Break down the walls that have held so much bullshit and lies
Break down the doors that have been blocked by knocks of anger

Destroy the hope that never was
Restore the heart that has fallen to pieces
Rebuild the life that has been lost

Release the suffering for one last cause
For it is time for you to rise

Bring on the smiles
Bring on the joy
Bring on the love that has been lost

Bring the heart that wishes to be mended
Spread the hope of one day feeling complete
Let out the tears of joy from releasement

For you have learned you are incredible

xoxoLaLa

Why Companionship?

Does that word mean anything?

It seems more like an old legend most days, to me anyways.
I’ve told myself time and time again that its not in the cards for me.
People can be so shady, most of the time if not all of the time.
It’s like honesty never existed and its a myth.
Something that my great great great great great great great great grandparents came up with..
(not really, but you get my drift)

But why?
Why do we want the comfort from another soul?
Why do we crave for that love? That attention…
Why do we feel those things as if they are needs?
Some of us might find ourselves doing something out of the normal just to get that attention… just to feel wanted by someone… who doesn’t give two fs about you.
To one day wake up and they walk out on you before you get the chance to..
It’s crazy.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s sad….
But it is real…

Feeling forgotten.
Feeling unloved.
Feeling like you don’t belong.
Feeling like nobody.
Feeling like the world doesn’t understand you.
Feeling like you have nothing.
Feeling lost.
Feeling damn near dead inside.
Feeling all the bad things you could ever dream imaginable…

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times, personally, that I’ve sat around,
cancelled plans, came up with excuses to sit around hating everything and sulk in misery from what someone caused me, blaming myself for things that I could not control.
It sucked
It really sucked…

Just to maybe get the chance at happiness.
A chance to see what this life is all about.
A moment to feel happy.
To feel like I belonged somewhere..
To be loved..
Finally.

But…
More times I’ve been blown off instead.
Treated like nothing.
Completely ignored, forgotten
Like I literally wasn’t a person
Like I wasn’t a person with a beating heart, that had feelings….
I could never understand what I had done wrong.
What was wrong with me? (that was always the first thing that came into my head)
How can I fix this?
What can I do to change things?
Wishing I could turn back time…
Wishing I could make things right.. that were never meant to be that way… unfortunately

But the only thing that I really needed to be was something completely different
I needed to be stronger….
I needed to become the person that I once was many years ago
The person who was to young to care and only wanted to have a good laugh and stay up late
Playing board games and card games…
Way before I knew anything about “championships”

But,
The bad seed of people would come back again…
With the same lines and the same routine….
I always gave second, third even tenth chances…
I don’t know why I did….
I know…  why I did…
I just wanted to be wanted… but that was the wrong way to get that attention…
Why is it so bad to want that feeling?
Why does it seem like it is so rare to come across?
Is everyone really this shitty?
Who knows..
One day I will learn.
Lessons are learned everyday.
Some people just take a little longer to fully understand what is being taught.
I will get there one day
I promise I will….

I need to look out for myself, because no one else will do that for me
I have to look out for the bad and replace it with the good
I have to realize that not everyone is on my side..
I have to realize that I am not an option when everything else fails..
I have to see, I have to see that it is not the way to continue to live my life.

I have to be strong
I have to take control
I have to get my life back
I have to find the things that made me happy
I have to recover all that I have lost
I have to move forward, and never look back
I have to be a strong soul for myself and my family
I have to be the one who can inspire
I have to be myself
I have to put myself first
I have to say “Fuck the rest”

img_4080

xoxoLaLa