Closure

 

I think I am ready to officially be done && close this chapter in my life.
It has been a long 3 years but I think it is better if it ended this way.
I know to you it doesn’t matter much, but to me, I rather have some sort of closure.
I swear it has taken me sooo long.. way too long to even say this && actually mean it.

For once it seems like the ball was in my court.
You gave me that power.
&& for once I never returned it back to you.
I let it in limbo for a while now, you may not know this but I do.

Even thinking about certain things it makes me feel a little uneasy.
But it makes it a little better that I still hold control.
Just thinking about how different things can be for me, makes me smile a little more.

I no longer feel like I am obligated.
I no longer feel like I am being controlled.
I no longer feel like an option.
I no longer feel false hope, when we both knew the truth.

I can’t even lie && say that I am completely over it && its out of my head.
Because I am not. It still hangs around me unfortunately.
That fear is still there…
That fear of me losing myself again.. && all for what?
To be miserable?
To be alone?
To feel destroyed?

I have held back.

(until now)

I hate that thinking about it makes me question things.
Question them in a way that ends up being my fault.
But I know its not.
I seriously lost myself.

For way too long.
Happiness wasn’t a real things.
It was more like a mirage or something.
Just a click of a switch && it was back to your way.
Stupid.

I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to look or wonder what if.
I never wanted to.
The feeling of loneliness can give you so many false images.
I hate that.

But I think I am finally going in the right direction.
Not so many sleepless nights.
Nights hoping to hear from you knowing I wouldn’t.
So many times.
So many excuses.

Never mattered.
I never mattered.
&& now I can say.
That I don’t even care.

This is my closure.
This is my truth.
This is my life.

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Your time will come, but until then enjoy your own ride!

I feel like we all have that one thing that we would love to accomplish. Or experience but find it hard to get to that.

Did you ever just wake up and just be in such a good mood for a million different reasons but don’t know why? Or maybe even how?

Just having a good outlook on life and want to be able to include someone in it with you?

No?

Oh really?

Seriously????

🤔🤔🤔 I guess it’s just me then

Lol

Well anyways I get like this from time to time. There are times when I just wake up and wish I was rolling over to someone being right there or even just a good morning text. Or to have someone to send that text to…

See I have always been that kind of person. I think it’s important to take time to appreciate the person that you are with and be with them for all the right reasons and not just because you don’t want to be alone. That should never be a reason to end up with someone but for some reason that is some people’s biggest fears. I was once like that. Then I stopped caring that much.

I’ve noticed a lot of people guys.. girls.. old and young literally post the same status about the same subject. Talking about something along the lines of wanting to find someone worth their time. Or that they go out of their way to reach out to the people they are interested in but get nothing back. And they feel a certain way but everyone seems to leave out the fact that on the other hand while they are giving someone….. or trying to give someone all this attention that isn’t interested there is someone on the other side trying to reach out to them to get their attention but yet they ignore them.

Yes I am confident enough to say that. Everyone does that. It is just the way this generation is set up. It’s a little crazy. Probably why people stay with people for the wrong reasons because they are afraid to start over.

It shouldn’t be like that.

I’ve done it and had things like that happen to me to where I didn’t feel important at all and 2 years and some later I am still single but I can be okay with that because just seeing how people are these days it kind of just makes me enjoy this life a little more.

Not saying that it was what I wanted. But saying it is what I can live with and be fine with. Buttttttttttt that doesn’t change the fact that I am the kind of person I am. I still have a little hope and maybe one day to run into someone worth my time but I am not counting on that lol

The purpose of this little piece today was just for anyone who can relate and to understand that you do not need to pour all your energy into someone that doesn’t even look in your direction. It is not the end of the world. No where near it. Like they say. There is someone out there for everyone.

But how true is that?

People will put in the amount of effort that they want and we, being on the other side have no control over that.

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XoxoLaLa

Relationship Goals?

I am definitely a passionate person
I am also a person who loves love
I have been in love and more recently been out of love
I have fallen out of love with so many different things that I was once passionate about
Which saddens me a little

I have always had that picture perfect image in my head where I would find someone
..well more like he would find me…
(some people make it look so easy)
But it is not that way at all. Two years and still I wonder where I am suppose to be in life.
Am I meant for this lifestyle? Or am I suppose to wait? Or should I step out my comfort zone?

It honestly terrifies me of putting myself out there.
It sucks… almost all of the time…
I dont know how many times I’ve been blown off or forgotten or even just ignored…
&& that in itself just makes me wonder what is wrong with me.. or what have I been doing wrong this whole time…

Something that I have realized that is a pattern that we all do is, we do the same thing to other people all the time..
Ignoring someone who you aren’t interested in and in the same breathe wonder why you can’t find that “perfect” person.
We only want to give chances to the “wrong” people and probably 8 times out of 10 its all about how the person looks which can be unfortunate, but in some cases. It doesn’t matter what you look like… you just never had a chance to begin with..

Lets just get right down to it…
I am one of those people who love, love!
I love seeing happiness in others
I love seeing the passion that people hold towards each other
It is one of those things that makes me happy and even have some hope for myself

I’ve always told myself one day it will be your turn.
One day you will find someone who can’t stop thinking about you!
Everything seems to be one day..
&& maybe it is true.. maybe it is not…
But that I don’t know for sure. unfortunately.

I find myself going out of my way more often I probably should to see how someone is
To see how their day or week is going…
Or maybe even to just say hey hi hello
To just check in after a few weeks
&& still there has been so many times where I have been left on read…
There aren’t a whole lot of people out there that will take time out of their day to see how someone is doing and actually mean it.
It is one of the things that frustrates me with this day and age.. it is terrible
..but what can you do?
Besides hope for the best for everyone you encounter even if it isn’t a mutual thing, it still counts for something! 🙂

Even though I am the way I am.. I still have always had hope floating around me
&& believe me when I say.. sometimes it feels like its the end of the world and all you want to do is beat yourself up over the things you can’t control and that might make you feel alone but you are never alone! You just have to remember that day in and day out!

I could say a lot more on this subject
But I will end it here…
&& maybe continue it at another time,
so until then..

Don’t worry, be happy
&& smile daily ❤
xoxoLaLa

 

You, You come first

Attention! Attention!

Hey
Hi
Hello

IMG_2606

I got some news.
… well more like something to say/share.

&& as far as I know this could be helping someone out there who can relate to this situation…. or someone who is just really likes reading what I post! 🙂 (thumbs up)

First and foremost, I would like to state that I am an extremely caring person and do not like to let people down or anything of that nature. (its a gift && a curse) Even if a person does me wrong a billion times…. I just don’t have it in my heart to be the same way towards them and or go down to their level… I believe that everyone is the way they are for a reason && everyone gets certain things in life that “cater” to their personalities throughout life, whether they like it or not, it is what it is…

I have never really been the one to bring someone down….(if I care about them, obvi)
I mean I have no problem dragging someone through the gosh darn mud and back again followed by a sugar back slap…if need be, but there is always a reason if I feel the need too… 🙂 (big smile)

But I look at things like this.. life is sort of short. I mean it can literally seem to pass by within a blink of an eye. Then you look back and see all the time  you wasted and the things you could of done but instead your mind was elsewhere.. it happens to the best of us. (believe me I know, Im just awesome.. moving on…)

One thing that I am slowly learning is that I have not been happy. Almost to the point where I didn’t even know what it is suppose to feel like. I mean you could always pretend like the cool kids, but it is important to know that you can’t try to make other people happy and not keep yourself happy. It is damn near impossible, because all the while that you are busting your ass to make someone feel special they could give two left nuts… (yes, both left nuts) about anything that has to do with you. You are then just a second option.

You know like when they only come around when it is convenient for them. Like for example, when you go to the store to go buy something but its too expensive and then you keep coming back to see if it went down in price and weeks later it finally does and then thats when your wanted. Yea, your that month old milk that was moved to the discount shelf… lol

But in all seriousness, you gotta think about yourself first..
1 million percent, you gotta come first….
&& you have to remember that you are the main chicken wang that matters!
No clucks about it.

 

Now how do you like them apples!

 

xoxoLaLa

One Time For My Brow Girls

Shout out to the people who are super blessed to have real life eyebrows! lol
No pencil needed!

First, I would like to say that I am jealous of you all.
You have no idea the struggle that I have had trying to fill in these lines above my eyes.
Trying to get them all even and “realistic” && shit daily.. it can suck…
Seriously… it can, I wouldn’t lie to you.. It is just so goddamn time consuming and I don’t even care half the time.
They will literally be a different shape and style everyday.
That is where my brows and I stand…

Where did that come from you might ask???
…heres the quick version.

I was on Instagram, just browsing through the the search part of the app, and I see this girl and her brows were super thick. (almost too thick)

Thick like a milkshake,
This like molasses,
Thick like a stack of pancakes

Thicker than the straw!
Just plain ole thick, (I think I was able to paint a good ass picture for you just now).. lol

So I clicked on her picture and profile only to learn that they were natural…
I was all like damnnnnn..
I WISH I HAD SOME NICE EYEBROWS.
NICE AND THICK,
PLUMPALICIOUS BROWS
(lol too far???)

Brows to be proud of.
Brows with personality.
Brows of the future.

VOTE FOR BROWS

LOL

But anyways.
On that note.
Makeup.

I have that love/hate relationship with it.
There are some days where I want to go “all out” with my make up but most of the times (more recently) I have just been doing the basic.

(Basic Bitch Alert)

Guys have it so easy.
I say that way to often, but it seems like a legit statement.
But I would be an ugly guy.
Maybe, but maybe I would have some bomb ass eyebrows.
The world will never know though… ha

IMG_1572xoxoLaLa