Coming to Terms (Me Myself && I)

Sometimes, if not most of the time,
I hate that I am reminded of how alone I really am.
(I know, I know, I’m always rambling on about the same old thing, cry me a river. blah blah blah bullshit)

But seriously..

Not having that support system when you need it the most sucks.

It’s like when you feel like the world is against you && your left feeling all alone.

No one seems to be able to help, && you think that they will never understand how you feel. && it kind of hurts at times.

You think that they have no idea how there are so many things that can destroy a person.

But they do..

To think that hmm, not even family members or close friends can help you,
or be there for you because it is simply not the same thing.

But it is.

Your problems are not theirs!
So they can’t relate, or just choose not too?
You are the controller of your life.
No one is put on this earth to fix you!

But that’s life. && that is how we can think at times.

There are feelings that we get && sometimes we feel like it is just ourselves against everyone else, even when they are on our side.

We shouldn’t think that way.

I say it is me, myself && I because it is a fact.
I have been alone for years && slowly I am adjusting to it more && more each day
&& looking at the reality of what my life has become so far.

People like to say that you don’t need anyone to be happy..
Which is true to an extent, I think, but it is not always just about finding someone to make you happy…

It runs much deeper than that, && that is the thing that a lot of people seem to misunderstand…

It is about the feelings, all of them, the good, the bad && the ugly.
It is about the emotions. the happiness && the sadness.
It is about the support system, the ones that go both ways.
It is about cherishing moments that you might not have thought would ever happen if you didn’t find this other soul to take that journey with you.
It is about building. It’s about learning. It’s about living.

It isn’t just something that you can buy at the store.
It is something that just runs through your veins when everything just feels oh so right..
It is the joy we all wish to discover one day.
The life we want to lead…

Maybe.

But until then, it is just
Me, myself && I
Until we meet.
Until the time is right.
There is no need to rush.
Just take your time.

*If it is you, who feels alone.
Just remember it is not permanent.

xoxoLaLa

 

This might sound crazy…

I don’t even know who you are

&& I’m already in love with everything about you

I can already feel my cheeks hurting from all the smiling I will do when I think of you

I am already looking forward to all the amazing things that we can do together, all the adventures and all the little things that will make us happy

I can already feel the warmth of your touch, for it has been missing for way too long

I can almost hear your words of sweet nothings as I talk to you every night

I can feel your hand to wipe away my tears of sadness when you must leave me for the night

I can hear you whisper good night as you close the door behind you

I can feel your heart beat through your chest as the speed matches mine!

I can almost hear your laughter as I tell you a little joke that was not that funny

I already appreciate you for supporting me in everything I’ve been wanting to accomplish

&& I appreciate your hugs after a long day

Thank you,
Whoever you are!

xoxoLaLa

Nothing But Thoughts

Have you  ever just looked at something and thought damn… my life really does suck, “I’m missing a whole lot, like how am I even living?”

(okay you get my drift)

It seems like lately I have only been talking about the same topics, but it is one of those things that I do feel strongly about. (like 80% of the time)

There are times when I see things that I get “jealous” of….
See things that I want and things that make me think…

“Well how do I get that?”

Happiness …

(I am so obvious at this point)

I was recently browsing on literally every kind of social media that I have an account to (literally like 3) and noticed how people possess this band with another person that seems to make the world stop and they are the only ones in it.

Maybe that takes an extension of happiness and is more along the lines of LOVE, something I clearly lack in the relationship world.

And after a few years I am still unsure of how I feel about where I am and what I have…..

I hate that I go through these “phases” one minute I am absolutely happy with being single and the next it feels like it is the end of the world.

But hey what can you really expect when you don’t put yourself out there or people think you are not real on dating sites…

Clearly  a win, win situation right there.
Who knows.
Anyways…

Dating sites are not for me, I find them to become annoying  after like a week of people copying and pasting the same message or people who are on their to find someone to PLUCK.

In my uneducated opinion I find that on a whole different level and maybe, I am being a bit harsh by saying this…

“But if you are on a dating site solely to sleep with someone, you should probably reevaluate your thoughts and your life?” Like come on, you don’t know anyone in your real life to bone….
One thing I will never understand and I am also one of those people who is not all about throwing it to the first, second, third or tenth person who gives me attention.

Not about that life.

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I am fortunately, (or unfortunately) one of those “rare” people who has enough respect for myself to not see how many guys I can get. I am an independent person who actually has a good heart (working well… still not sure) but that’s  just the way I am you can either take it or leave it. (leave it is the most popular option so check that box before you leave!)

But it literally is all crazy to think about. But that’s just my thoughts and opinions with some fun facts about me…

End Rant?

xoxoLaLa

Your time will come, but until then enjoy your own ride!

I feel like we all have that one thing that we would love to accomplish. Or experience but find it hard to get to that.

Did you ever just wake up and just be in such a good mood for a million different reasons but don’t know why? Or maybe even how?

Just having a good outlook on life and want to be able to include someone in it with you?

No?

Oh really?

Seriously????

🤔🤔🤔 I guess it’s just me then

Lol

Well anyways I get like this from time to time. There are times when I just wake up and wish I was rolling over to someone being right there or even just a good morning text. Or to have someone to send that text to…

See I have always been that kind of person. I think it’s important to take time to appreciate the person that you are with and be with them for all the right reasons and not just because you don’t want to be alone. That should never be a reason to end up with someone but for some reason that is some people’s biggest fears. I was once like that. Then I stopped caring that much.

I’ve noticed a lot of people guys.. girls.. old and young literally post the same status about the same subject. Talking about something along the lines of wanting to find someone worth their time. Or that they go out of their way to reach out to the people they are interested in but get nothing back. And they feel a certain way but everyone seems to leave out the fact that on the other hand while they are giving someone….. or trying to give someone all this attention that isn’t interested there is someone on the other side trying to reach out to them to get their attention but yet they ignore them.

Yes I am confident enough to say that. Everyone does that. It is just the way this generation is set up. It’s a little crazy. Probably why people stay with people for the wrong reasons because they are afraid to start over.

It shouldn’t be like that.

I’ve done it and had things like that happen to me to where I didn’t feel important at all and 2 years and some later I am still single but I can be okay with that because just seeing how people are these days it kind of just makes me enjoy this life a little more.

Not saying that it was what I wanted. But saying it is what I can live with and be fine with. Buttttttttttt that doesn’t change the fact that I am the kind of person I am. I still have a little hope and maybe one day to run into someone worth my time but I am not counting on that lol

The purpose of this little piece today was just for anyone who can relate and to understand that you do not need to pour all your energy into someone that doesn’t even look in your direction. It is not the end of the world. No where near it. Like they say. There is someone out there for everyone.

But how true is that?

People will put in the amount of effort that they want and we, being on the other side have no control over that.

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XoxoLaLa

Relationship Goals?

I am definitely a passionate person
I am also a person who loves love
I have been in love and more recently been out of love
I have fallen out of love with so many different things that I was once passionate about
Which saddens me a little

I have always had that picture perfect image in my head where I would find someone
..well more like he would find me…
(some people make it look so easy)
But it is not that way at all. Two years and still I wonder where I am suppose to be in life.
Am I meant for this lifestyle? Or am I suppose to wait? Or should I step out my comfort zone?

It honestly terrifies me of putting myself out there.
It sucks… almost all of the time…
I dont know how many times I’ve been blown off or forgotten or even just ignored…
&& that in itself just makes me wonder what is wrong with me.. or what have I been doing wrong this whole time…

Something that I have realized that is a pattern that we all do is, we do the same thing to other people all the time..
Ignoring someone who you aren’t interested in and in the same breathe wonder why you can’t find that “perfect” person.
We only want to give chances to the “wrong” people and probably 8 times out of 10 its all about how the person looks which can be unfortunate, but in some cases. It doesn’t matter what you look like… you just never had a chance to begin with..

Lets just get right down to it…
I am one of those people who love, love!
I love seeing happiness in others
I love seeing the passion that people hold towards each other
It is one of those things that makes me happy and even have some hope for myself

I’ve always told myself one day it will be your turn.
One day you will find someone who can’t stop thinking about you!
Everything seems to be one day..
&& maybe it is true.. maybe it is not…
But that I don’t know for sure. unfortunately.

I find myself going out of my way more often I probably should to see how someone is
To see how their day or week is going…
Or maybe even to just say hey hi hello
To just check in after a few weeks
&& still there has been so many times where I have been left on read…
There aren’t a whole lot of people out there that will take time out of their day to see how someone is doing and actually mean it.
It is one of the things that frustrates me with this day and age.. it is terrible
..but what can you do?
Besides hope for the best for everyone you encounter even if it isn’t a mutual thing, it still counts for something! 🙂

Even though I am the way I am.. I still have always had hope floating around me
&& believe me when I say.. sometimes it feels like its the end of the world and all you want to do is beat yourself up over the things you can’t control and that might make you feel alone but you are never alone! You just have to remember that day in and day out!

I could say a lot more on this subject
But I will end it here…
&& maybe continue it at another time,
so until then..

Don’t worry, be happy
&& smile daily ❤
xoxoLaLa