Seeing something with your own eyes…

Knowing things that you shouldn’t know..

Lost of trust.

Lost of hope.

Left without any real feelings.

Feeling alone in a world filled with billions of people,

Just wondering why…

The hurt is so real && the pain feels so unimaginable,

Almost to the effect that it seems to be nothing but a dream…

Wondering if anything could ever leave your mind or will you be forever haunted by this..

Crying yourself to sleep only to wake up && cry your mornings away day by day.

Just sad.




Fed up..

Too many emotions && not enough explanation.

But who owes you one anyways?

There are certain things in this world that shouldn’t hit hard like they do,

But they do.

How does one prepare to try to move forward && not look back?

It makes you want to give up on everything.

Nothing matters.

Nothing at all.


You feel like your not good enough && just a waste of space && time.

Someone prove you wrong.

Seeing a smile upon someone’s face when you know the truth behind it will break anyone’s soul.

A million questions flutter to your mind just begging to now why.

The pain is absolutely real,

But should you be feeling the way that you do?

It’s hard.

Trust me I know.

It always seems to be one thing after another && you never seem to be able to catch a break.

Happiness is a real thing.

Believe that..

Devastation is also a real thing.

Both hit hard when they are played.

The want to take back things.

The want to erase your memory for any kind of pain.

I’ve wanted that too many times to count…

Is it better to surround yourself with a ton of friends?

Or being alone to figure things out?

I wish I had that choice…

Maybe it would make things a little easier.

Already, there are so many things that I miss.

Always afraid that it will be over && I will never get to experience it again in my life.

Maybe it is just me…

Maybe this is why I am here…

To take as many shots && heartbreaks as I can while I’m still alive.


Maybe I am not meant for anything.

Maybe I’m just here.

For how ever long


I am not meant to figure anything out.

Just to test my strength being a “punching bag”

I don’t know.

I really wish I did.

But I don’t.

Thanks for listening…

I know this is something that shouldn’t effect me like it did.

But it happens && dealing with anything has its ups && downs.

I’ll take this one as a loss.

You win.

I thought this could possibly be a better year for me.

But I doubt it 🙁


Allow Me To Introduce Myself


Yup that’s me, (I know its pretty catchy).

So anyways lets get down to the basic stuff.
IMG_2805I go by LaLa (no its not my real name but you can deal with it for now)
I am a 27 year old single parent to a third grader… damn
I live in the Keystone State.
I like writing but can not get myself to open a book to read for the life of me…


Once upon a time I had a blog, it did okay but I never kept up with it (like most things) && let it go.. years later I am back with a new blog and a brand new attitude!
.. jk but I am back, not that any of you remember me but still lets get down to business for real this time.

You can expect this site to be a complete mess of randomness. I am not afraid to say that or admit it, because well, it just is what it is. (No sense in sugar coating it) I will post from near and far, inside out and right side in. (No idea if that even makes sense) The main thing that I need you to know about my blogging is that it is completely, more or less, my thoughts written on paper. Journal Style. For some reason this has always been something that I thought was interesting and sometimes other people are able to relate to your nonsense. Writing is the best form of expression for me, it can be a whole lot of things but mainly it’s what I know best. So without further ado, ENJOY.

(Definitely have no idea if this is even makes any sense, but I warned you!)