Coming to Terms (Me Myself && I)

Sometimes, if not most of the time,
I hate that I am reminded of how alone I really am.
(I know, I know, I’m always rambling on about the same old thing, cry me a river. blah blah blah bullshit)

But seriously..

Not having that support system when you need it the most sucks.

It’s like when you feel like the world is against you && your left feeling all alone.

No one seems to be able to help, && you think that they will never understand how you feel. && it kind of hurts at times.

You think that they have no idea how there are so many things that can destroy a person.

But they do..

To think that hmm, not even family members or close friends can help you,
or be there for you because it is simply not the same thing.

But it is.

Your problems are not theirs!
So they can’t relate, or just choose not too?
You are the controller of your life.
No one is put on this earth to fix you!

But that’s life. && that is how we can think at times.

There are feelings that we get && sometimes we feel like it is just ourselves against everyone else, even when they are on our side.

We shouldn’t think that way.

I say it is me, myself && I because it is a fact.
I have been alone for years && slowly I am adjusting to it more && more each day
&& looking at the reality of what my life has become so far.

People like to say that you don’t need anyone to be happy..
Which is true to an extent, I think, but it is not always just about finding someone to make you happy…

It runs much deeper than that, && that is the thing that a lot of people seem to misunderstand…

It is about the feelings, all of them, the good, the bad && the ugly.
It is about the emotions. the happiness && the sadness.
It is about the support system, the ones that go both ways.
It is about cherishing moments that you might not have thought would ever happen if you didn’t find this other soul to take that journey with you.
It is about building. It’s about learning. It’s about living.

It isn’t just something that you can buy at the store.
It is something that just runs through your veins when everything just feels oh so right..
It is the joy we all wish to discover one day.
The life we want to lead…

Maybe.

But until then, it is just
Me, myself && I
Until we meet.
Until the time is right.
There is no need to rush.
Just take your time.

*If it is you, who feels alone.
Just remember it is not permanent.

xoxoLaLa

 

Breaking the Cycle

I’ve always had such a hard time.

Breaking the Cycle

It is an annoying habit to have, but sometimes you have to just bite the bullet && do what is best for you. Sometimes you have to go outside of your “mind” && look at things from a different perspective. I can tell you right now that it will in no means be easy but I can almost guarantee that it will be worth it && your happiness will be even greater!

I know I sound like someone that is being paid to say this but I always say things on my blog that I can speak from && have experienced for myself. I want to reach out to as many people as I can because I feel that it is important to know who you are && to never lose yourself. Your happiness is the most important thing in this world that belongs to you. Well… one of the most && you get to control that!

Do not let someone, take that happiness from you.
Do not let someone take what is not theirs.
Do not forget who you are && what you are worth.
Do not let someone control your anything.
Do not let someone waste your time.

It literally takes seconds… SECONDS to respond to someone. Whether it is through face to face, phone or text, hell even anything on social media. It takes seconds..

More && more I notice how much people suck.
This generation of people suck ass crack on a hot sunny day.. Eggs are fucking cooked to no end, just straight filth.
Obviously, I cannot speak for anyone else other than myself. So that is what I am doing..
That is what I always been doing && no this is not me going off on a limb && making up the craziest accusations… It is just me being me. 🙂

Anywaysssssssssssss

How many people can say that they have been left on read?
How many people can say that they have left someone on read?
How many people have said yes to both but only recognize one as being wrong?
…aka the first question…
There is this issue within this “era” where people feel the need to build someone up just to break them down && loose all hope in something.. Maybe not all the time, but I believe that there is some hurt to everyone at all expense.

What gets me is when I see someone post about how all females are the same && all they do is post pictures half naked for attention, where are all the real woman at?

I hate this.

Number one reason being is that 99% of the time (that’s just my exact guess from experience) there is at least one good person in the bunch that you know but ignore.

Male or female we have all done it.
So why do we look all over when there is someone right under our nose?
Is it for the likes?
Is it for the attention?
Well, hell maybe you aren’t into that said person, which is fine.

But people are so quick to jump on the bandwagon && continue to make this generation worst than what it was yesterday. I can’t tell someone how many times I have reached out to people just to generally see how they are && got nothing back. People are full of excuses && it’s absolutely sad.

But can we really blame them? It is all a vicious cycle that seems to have no real purpose && have no real end. There is nothing that seems to make sense anymore. There is nothing that can be said to break this cycle.

Nothing.

One day I think we will all come to the realization of how we have made this world a personal living hell. For either ourselves or someone else. Again with no real reason.

It kind of takes me back to the whole, “Is it for the likes? The attention?” Possibly.

I guess just grab a bag of popcorn && watch us all try to get out of this.

Get out of this nonsense && break the cycle, Together.

xoxoLaLa

Just Me

If you don’t write it down when it is fresh on the mind, the passion will be lost in the words.

Story of the day:

So I was out and about, had to make a stop somewhere to pick up some paperwork for the summer and I noticed something similar with the three women that were there.

One behind the register and two customers stand side by side waiting to be done with their transactions.
I first noticed the woman directly next to me on my right. She had her hand resting on her cheek and then I saw it!

She was wearing a wedding ring.
&& so were the other two women.

(I know it doesn’t sound like much but….)
So I was thinking to myself while being there like “wow“..
I never really been the kind of person who was all about getting married or even dreamt of such a thing.

..I guess you could say that I was pretty basic and didn’t care about things like that.
Which is fine and no shade to anyone who is opposite of that.

Anyways…

So I get back in my car and have a long self talk about my life in general.
I slowly realized that this is not the life that I wanted for myself, or even thought to have.
Which sounds terrible to say out loud and in writing, but it is my truth.

Maybe there are somethings that I regret here and there but nothing super major.
After seeing that, obviously no one truly knows a relationship and how it works unless you are in it, but the fact that someone out there was willing and wanted to commit to those women was something great to know.
Sort of like seeing a hidden mystery.

I don’t pity myself.
But I do think that it would be SUPER AWESOME to know that there was at least one person in this world with a billion other souls that wanted.. JUST ME..

I see so many memes about love and different quotes, all of the same category,
&& I swear they seem to know when to pop up and I saw one yesterday that made me think a lot more about what I am missing in life…

Of course they say that you don’t need someone to make you feel complete but chances are the person saying that has terrible luck or is with someone. It is like a win/win/lose/lose kind of topic.

Sucks don’t it?

But I really do wonder sometimes what it would be like again..
What it would be like to wake up to a simple text like.
“Hey.” or even “Good Morning”.

(see, I told you I was basic!)

But even something as small as that I would love, I crave… Maybe?

Then that also got me thinking about everything else.
Like my job or why I cant even find a second job..
Why is it all so hard, why do all odds seem to be against me

(Shouldn’t I have my life together by now? Or do they say by 30 you should have your life together.. I guess I still have sometime there, but I don’t see much changing :/ , I mean its not like it is a law or something… right.. right! RIGHT?? )

Moving along..

Some might think that maybe I am being too picky…

No, I am not being picky,
I just can’t figure out what I am doing wrong to be successful in that aspect.

Even looking for an apartment to downsize in, has been challenging and being completely opened to a 40 minute radius has seemed to fail me .. I don’t get it.
(I think for this one it is safe to just blame on life..??? )

But one of the things that have sucked the most for me is not being able to be the parent with all the answers…

Seeming to fail my child when I am still trying to figure things out myself.. Sucks.
I mean to be fair parenting is not something I think that anyone can master.
It is just one of those things. It is life…

But

Yes, I would love to have a house with a backyard,
more like a townhouse I would be good with,
but I can’t give that to myself or my child. && it sucks.

&& it is something as little as that, just to have a home, not an apartment, a house.
Its crazy that I can’t even do that!

Because it is just me

I think it will always be just me.
For whatever reason…

But I am sure that it will be okay because maybe one day (fingers crossed) I will be able to make that little goal and it will make the world of a difference in our lives…  🙂

It is like when they say.

” There is no use of crying over spilled milk.”

xoxoLaLa