Devastation

Seeing something with your own eyes…

Knowing things that you shouldn’t know..

Lost of trust.

Lost of hope.

Left without any real feelings.

Feeling alone in a world filled with billions of people,

Just wondering why…

The hurt is so real && the pain feels so unimaginable,

Almost to the effect that it seems to be nothing but a dream…

Wondering if anything could ever leave your mind or will you be forever haunted by this..

Crying yourself to sleep only to wake up && cry your mornings away day by day.

Just sad.

Devastated.

Emotionless.

Tired.

Fed up..

Too many emotions && not enough explanation.

But who owes you one anyways?

There are certain things in this world that shouldn’t hit hard like they do,

But they do.

How does one prepare to try to move forward && not look back?

It makes you want to give up on everything.

Nothing matters.

Nothing at all.

——————————————————————

You feel like your not good enough && just a waste of space && time.

Someone prove you wrong.

Seeing a smile upon someone’s face when you know the truth behind it will break anyone’s soul.

A million questions flutter to your mind just begging to now why.

The pain is absolutely real,

But should you be feeling the way that you do?

It’s hard.

Trust me I know.

It always seems to be one thing after another && you never seem to be able to catch a break.

Happiness is a real thing.

Believe that..

Devastation is also a real thing.

Both hit hard when they are played.

The want to take back things.

The want to erase your memory for any kind of pain.

I’ve wanted that too many times to count…

Is it better to surround yourself with a ton of friends?

Or being alone to figure things out?

I wish I had that choice…

Maybe it would make things a little easier.

Already, there are so many things that I miss.

Always afraid that it will be over && I will never get to experience it again in my life.

Maybe it is just me…

Maybe this is why I am here…

To take as many shots && heartbreaks as I can while I’m still alive.

Maybe?

Maybe I am not meant for anything.

Maybe I’m just here.

For how ever long

Maybe…

I am not meant to figure anything out.

Just to test my strength being a “punching bag”

I don’t know.

I really wish I did.

But I don’t.

Thanks for listening…

I know this is something that shouldn’t effect me like it did.

But it happens && dealing with anything has its ups && downs.

I’ll take this one as a loss.

You win.

I thought this could possibly be a better year for me.

But I doubt it 🙁

xoxoLaLa

Bring on the STORM!

Bring on the storm
Bring on the hurt
Bring on the pain
Bring on the sorrow

Let the tears stream down these cheeks upon your face
Let the words speak that have been hidden for so long

Release the anger that can no longer be built,
For it is ready to be torn down

Break down the walls that have held so much bullshit and lies
Break down the doors that have been blocked by knocks of anger

Destroy the hope that never was
Restore the heart that has fallen to pieces
Rebuild the life that has been lost

Release the suffering for one last cause
For it is time for you to rise

Bring on the smiles
Bring on the joy
Bring on the love that has been lost

Bring the heart that wishes to be mended
Spread the hope of one day feeling complete
Let out the tears of joy from releasement

For you have learned you are incredible

xoxoLaLa

Ready to be Happy

October 2015.

Single.

It’s been a little journey. Maybe even a little bit of a struggle. But honestly, I’ve been able to accomplish a lot on my own.

Things to be proud of. I’ve done somethings that I never thought possible, or was to afraid to do things on my own without knowing if I could succeed or not.

It has made me somewhat a of a stronger person.

But I’ve also feel like I’ve missed out on somethings.

I am a person who enjoys sharing the little things and doing the little things. (That part has been a little difficult).

Sometimes it is just easier to just blame this generation and myself for being to afraid to venture out on things and take risks.

Who knows where I would be now?

But one thing that I will not do is settle

I think everyone deserves happiness, in any shape or form.

I think everyone has a certain passion that they hold that they can’t wait to show to the world… but only at the right time .. when they are ready

But only they know when it is time.

They say that you can create your own happiness. Maybe even control it as well..
That is probably true, to some degree but there is no denying the happiness that hides within.

Take each day as if it really is your last,
Make sure you laugh as much as possible
Make sure you smile from ear to ear
Make sure you use your ears to hear the ones who wish to be heard
BE the person within

…with no regrets…

Single or not 🙂

That is all ❤

xoxoLaLa