Undiscovered Love

The reason I am alone is because of you,
It has been years,
years of me wanting you && only you
Years of wanting,
years of dreaming of my happiness, with you

There is something about you that can bring a smile to my face
There is something about you that will brighten my day
The only reason why my heart can skip a beat after all this time
The connection that we have is what can make some jealous

My heart goes out to you
My heart beats for you
My life would be complete with you right next to me
But somethings have to wait,
The years that we have spent have been enjoyable

&& with you,
you never left my mind,
you’ve always have a spot in my heart
Where it beats, forever && a day..

Even if it is not with me…

That is the kind of love that some people have no yet discovered.
Some are selfish && don’t wish to let the other person grow.
They don’t want them to seek true happiness when they know it is not with them anymore…

What one might fail to see is that no matter what
Your heart will keep beating.
Yes, it might hurt for sometime, but it is still beating.
It is still in you
It is still yours

We all suffer a lost love at least once in our life time
&& that is okay.

Remember that,
Cherish that,

You will live another day,
You will love another more,

Remember the good times,
Cherish the memories,
Smile at them always,

But remember yourself first

You are not the reason that I am alone
You are not the reason that my heart beats
You are the reason that I can see clear
You are the reason I am free
Free as a bird
Free as a bee

Forever you will remember me

❤️

xoxoLaLa

 

Taking A Long Break To Live Like An Adult

Frick Frack Cadillac
Look at that, Oh hey LaLa’s Back (in actionnnnnnnnn) *screaming*

HEYYYYYYYY

How is everyone doing on this mighty fine day!? I’m going to assume everyone is in tip top amazingly fantesticle shape && feeling fabtastic on a stick.

Now…
Moving on to more important news.
So I have been in my “first” apartment for over a year now and it went by super fast and it is such a great feeling of accomplishment until…..
Them bills start flying in and it is just solely, taking on all financials by myself, the last places that I have lived were with people that I was dating at the time.

blah blah.

But that has all changed because I am a sack of shit no one wants! 🙂

(lmao totally joking)

But seriously it is sooo nice,

like so, so so nice to be able to have something like your space, your own place to yourself. It is be bees knees.. lol

It is obviously an accomplishment and is an amazingly good feeling. Something that I have not felt like ever in my many years of life and adulthood which is nice, its a nice change of pace.

Along with getting my own place, I have been working literally all the time, (usually working 6 days a week) but that has changed a little to me actually working 7 days a week for a few weeks. About a month and that is a motherfucking killer, making my weekends the longest work days at 12 hour days waking up around 6 in the morning to get home around 9:30 at night.

I know it is crazy, it is like I am addicting to working or something .

I am obsessed with being independent lol look at me committing a “crime.”

But since then I have slowed down a little with my work life. Losing a job is NOT the best thing to deal with in the world but it obviously happens. And it happened to this gal! (two thumbs up to myself) #adultlife

I know it’s not a joking matter but I am slowly waiting for my life to just fall apart completely, yay!

What else is new..

but enough about the boring lets keep this conversation moving into a more “positive” light.

So like I have mentioned before, in the beginning of this blog I am back, (that whole frick frack Cadillac bid) I haven’t really left. I have been around, just not posting a whole lot. I enjoy reading other blogs and hearing their stories.

I also enjoy writing my own things a lot so don’t be surprised if you see tons of posts out of know where, trust me it will be as normal as possible. I have literally over 50 drafts that are sitting and waiting to be finished.

I know.. I know

But that is the fun part about writing. I would love to know what you guys have been up to if anything or if you have been looking or waiting for me to post (probably not, but one can dream)

Anyways.

I feel like this is

………

Bless me!

( I literally can’t with this sneezing shit, it just ruins the mood, ha)

Well now with that I am outta here, stuffy nose and all.
Just a heads up, if you made it this far you will realize that I clearly went off track and had nothing else to add to this blog but the main purpose was to let all you fantastic people know that I am still here! (trying)

xoxoLaLa

One day I gave up

I gave up…

I gave up because you did.

I gave up because you stopped.

I gave up because you didn’t want it.

I gave up because I knew better.

I gave up because I was wrong for all the right reasons.

But

You stopped..

You stopped it all.

You stopped caring.

You stopped loving.

You stopped being the one.

You stopped being the person I swore I knew.

You stopped everything that I thought was the truth.

&& then I stopped living.

I stopped believing everything that you fed to me.

I stopped believing all the lies you told me.

I stopped caring so much about all the things that did not matter.

I stopped because you stopped.

But I moved on…

&& one day you will do the same.

(Even though, you already have…)

One day you will show the world that it was nothing but a lie.

One day.

One day my friend it will all be clear.

One day I will be able to hear your name and not shed a tear.

One day I will laugh at all the mistakes I have made with you.

One day I will learn from them.

One day.

I will be okay.

I will be better.

I will forget.

I will move on.

I will not look back.

I will be happy again.

One day.

&& when that one day does decide to show up, I will be there.

I will be there with my suitcase in hand and on my way.

On my way to a place that I never knew existed.

A place that was meant for me.

A place that I will make my own.

A place where I belong.

One day.

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Just Wait

Lately I have seen a handful of people find someone.
People that have went “forever” being alone.

They seem to have found happiness all at once…
And that makes me happy

It makes me so happy to see other people happy.
It is sort of like a sense of hope,

a sense of worth.

Just all around exciting.

I often wonder when my turn will be.
No rush.
Just something I wonder…

Just thinking about it, makes me think of the little things that I miss…

So many little things….

Just thinking about them give me a small smile.
Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.
Happiness at its finest.

I wonder if I will ever be able to have that sort of happiness again…

It is one of those things that I feel like every single one of us goes through.
We can all often wonder things of that nature when we feel alone,
Or have been alone for a certain period of time.

I am no expert,
Obviously
But I know that things can happen.
Just don’t think about them so much, it will make it worst!

Believe me when I say..

That I have a list in my head,
in my mind,
in my soul

That I replay over and over and over again, each time with a smile bigger than the last

I will be worth it

xoxoLaLa

It’s the most wonderful time of the …

Year.

Well with Christmas out of the way.

I have to say.

I am sort of sad to say that I miss being able to have “plans” with my “boyfriend”

Meaning.

Having someone else to share Christmas with.

Its been 3 years of single Christmas-ness and I can say now. I miss it.

I honestly do. Even though I was annoyed at being at my past boyfriends families houses sometimes. 🙄(Don’t we all!?) I still miss it though.

It’s like apart of life. You know.

The Good. The Bad. && The Ugly.

I say all this as I’m sitting here alone.
In bed.
Doing some word searches
…while watching Judge Judy.
Just home alone.

Sounds pretty sad right!?
Or maybe it sounds like I am having the time of my life…

But..

It does feel pretty nice not having to go out and be apart of something extra.

But I still miss it.
I know what your thinking

&&

I know I make no sense what so ever.

But I am still going to say it. I know I am not the only one that has felt or experienced something like this before because again we are all only human. But I just wanted to share this and I do hope that everyone

Single or not

Had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday Season. 😊

xoxoLaLa