Bring on the STORM!

Bring on the storm
Bring on the hurt
Bring on the pain
Bring on the sorrow

Let the tears stream down these cheeks upon your face
Let the words speak that have been hidden for so long

Release the anger that can no longer be built,
For it is ready to be torn down

Break down the walls that have held so much bullshit and lies
Break down the doors that have been blocked by knocks of anger

Destroy the hope that never was
Restore the heart that has fallen to pieces
Rebuild the life that has been lost

Release the suffering for one last cause
For it is time for you to rise

Bring on the smiles
Bring on the joy
Bring on the love that has been lost

Bring the heart that wishes to be mended
Spread the hope of one day feeling complete
Let out the tears of joy from releasement

For you have learned you are incredible

xoxoLaLa

Ready to be Happy

October 2015.

Single.

It’s been a little journey. Maybe even a little bit of a struggle. But honestly, I’ve been able to accomplish a lot on my own.

Things to be proud of. I’ve done somethings that I never thought possible, or was to afraid to do things on my own without knowing if I could succeed or not.

It has made me somewhat a of a stronger person.

But I’ve also feel like I’ve missed out on somethings.

I am a person who enjoys sharing the little things and doing the little things. (That part has been a little difficult).

Sometimes it is just easier to just blame this generation and myself for being to afraid to venture out on things and take risks.

Who knows where I would be now?

But one thing that I will not do is settle

I think everyone deserves happiness, in any shape or form.

I think everyone has a certain passion that they hold that they can’t wait to show to the world… but only at the right time .. when they are ready

But only they know when it is time.

They say that you can create your own happiness. Maybe even control it as well..
That is probably true, to some degree but there is no denying the happiness that hides within.

Take each day as if it really is your last,
Make sure you laugh as much as possible
Make sure you smile from ear to ear
Make sure you use your ears to hear the ones who wish to be heard
BE the person within

…with no regrets…

Single or not 🙂

That is all ❤

xoxoLaLa

Why Companionship?

Does that word mean anything?

It seems more like an old legend most days, to me anyways.
I’ve told myself time and time again that its not in the cards for me.
People can be so shady, most of the time if not all of the time.
It’s like honesty never existed and its a myth.
Something that my great great great great great great great great grandparents came up with..
(not really, but you get my drift)

But why?
Why do we want the comfort from another soul?
Why do we crave for that love? That attention…
Why do we feel those things as if they are needs?
Some of us might find ourselves doing something out of the normal just to get that attention… just to feel wanted by someone… who doesn’t give two fs about you.
To one day wake up and they walk out on you before you get the chance to..
It’s crazy.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s sad….
But it is real…

Feeling forgotten.
Feeling unloved.
Feeling like you don’t belong.
Feeling like nobody.
Feeling like the world doesn’t understand you.
Feeling like you have nothing.
Feeling lost.
Feeling damn near dead inside.
Feeling all the bad things you could ever dream imaginable…

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times, personally, that I’ve sat around,
cancelled plans, came up with excuses to sit around hating everything and sulk in misery from what someone caused me, blaming myself for things that I could not control.
It sucked
It really sucked…

Just to maybe get the chance at happiness.
A chance to see what this life is all about.
A moment to feel happy.
To feel like I belonged somewhere..
To be loved..
Finally.

But…
More times I’ve been blown off instead.
Treated like nothing.
Completely ignored, forgotten
Like I literally wasn’t a person
Like I wasn’t a person with a beating heart, that had feelings….
I could never understand what I had done wrong.
What was wrong with me? (that was always the first thing that came into my head)
How can I fix this?
What can I do to change things?
Wishing I could turn back time…
Wishing I could make things right.. that were never meant to be that way… unfortunately

But the only thing that I really needed to be was something completely different
I needed to be stronger….
I needed to become the person that I once was many years ago
The person who was to young to care and only wanted to have a good laugh and stay up late
Playing board games and card games…
Way before I knew anything about “championships”

But,
The bad seed of people would come back again…
With the same lines and the same routine….
I always gave second, third even tenth chances…
I don’t know why I did….
I know…  why I did…
I just wanted to be wanted… but that was the wrong way to get that attention…
Why is it so bad to want that feeling?
Why does it seem like it is so rare to come across?
Is everyone really this shitty?
Who knows..
One day I will learn.
Lessons are learned everyday.
Some people just take a little longer to fully understand what is being taught.
I will get there one day
I promise I will….

I need to look out for myself, because no one else will do that for me
I have to look out for the bad and replace it with the good
I have to realize that not everyone is on my side..
I have to realize that I am not an option when everything else fails..
I have to see, I have to see that it is not the way to continue to live my life.

I have to be strong
I have to take control
I have to get my life back
I have to find the things that made me happy
I have to recover all that I have lost
I have to move forward, and never look back
I have to be a strong soul for myself and my family
I have to be the one who can inspire
I have to be myself
I have to put myself first
I have to say “Fuck the rest”

img_4080

xoxoLaLa