Taking A Long Break To Live Like An Adult

Frick Frack Cadillac
Look at that, Oh hey LaLa’s Back (in actionnnnnnnnn) *screaming*


How is everyone doing on this mighty fine day!? I’m going to assume everyone is in tip top amazingly fantesticle shape && feeling fabtastic on a stick.

Moving on to more important news.
So I have been in my “first” apartment for over a year now and it went by super fast and it is such a great feeling of accomplishment until…..
Them bills start flying in and it is just solely, taking on all financials by myself, the last places that I have lived were with people that I was dating at the time.

blah blah.

But that has all changed because I am a sack of shit no one wants! ๐Ÿ™‚

(lmao totally joking)

But seriously it is sooo nice,

like so, so so nice to be able to have something like your space, your own place to yourself. It is be bees knees.. lol

It is obviously an accomplishment and is an amazingly good feeling. Something that I have not felt like ever in my many years of life and adulthood which is nice, its a nice change of pace.

Along with getting my own place, I have been working literally all the time, (usually working 6 days a week) but that has changed a little to me actually working 7 days a week for a few weeks. About a month and that is a motherfucking killer, making my weekends the longest work days at 12 hour days waking up around 6 in the morning to get home around 9:30 at night.

I know it is crazy, it is like I am addicting to working or something .

I am obsessed with being independent lol look at me committing a “crime.”

But since then I have slowed down a little with my work life. Losing a job is NOT the best thing to deal with in the world but it obviously happens. And it happened to this gal! (two thumbs up to myself) #adultlife

I know it’s not a joking matter but I am slowly waiting for my life to just fall apart completely, yay!

What else is new..

but enough about the boring lets keep this conversation moving into a more “positive” light.

So like I have mentioned before, in the beginning of this blog I am back, (that whole frick frack Cadillac bid) I haven’t really left. I have been around, just not posting a whole lot. I enjoy reading other blogs and hearing their stories.

I also enjoy writing my own things a lot so don’t be surprised if you see tons of posts out of know where, trust me it will be as normal as possible. I have literally over 50 drafts that are sitting and waiting to be finished.

I know.. I know

But that is the fun part about writing. I would love to know what you guys have been up to if anything or if you have been looking or waiting for me to post (probably not, but one can dream)


I feel like this is


Bless me!

( I literally can’t with this sneezing shit, it just ruins the mood, ha)

Well now with that I am outta here, stuffy nose and all.
Just a heads up, if you made it this far you will realize that I clearly went off track and had nothing else to add to this blog but the main purpose was to let all you fantastic people know that I am still here! (trying)


Just Wait

Lately I have seen a handful of people find someone.
People that have went “forever” beingย alone.

They seem to have found happiness all at once…
And that makes me happy

It makes me so happy to see other people happy.
It is sort of like a sense of hope,

a sense of worth.

Just all around exciting.

I often wonder when my turn will be.
No rush.
Just something I wonder…

Just thinking about it, makes me think of the little things that I miss…

So many little things….

Just thinking about them give me a small smile.
Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.
Happiness at its finest.

I wonder if I will ever be able to have that sort of happiness again…

It is one of those things that I feel like every single one of us goes through.
We can all often wonder things of that nature when we feel alone,
Or have been alone for a certain period of time.

I am no expert,
But I know that things can happen.
Just don’t think about them so much, it will make it worst!

Believe me when I say..

That I have a list in my head,
in my mind,
in my soul

That I replay over and over and over again, each time with a smile bigger than the last

I will be worth it


Stay Posi….

Having no feeling.
Just wanting to be loved.

Days like this are when we say “stay posi
It will all get better soon enough

I have beaten myself up over things that I have had no control over for so long,
&& I am just trying to figure out when it will all be over…

When will I be able to be completely happy again?
I still have yet to find out that answer ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

&& you know, the only thing I would like to do is be able to make someones day,
I would love to know that someone smiled today because of me.

I just want to spread love, spread happiness..
(stay posi)

Here I sit just thinking about how I missed out on different opportunities because I was afraid..
Afraid to try something new,

Afraid to be happy.. .
&& most days I hate myself for that..
but there is nothing that I can do about it now.
I messed up and I missed out and I just see so many happy people but I can still never be apart of them.

I do not write for anyone but myself.
I speak words out loud to myself almost everyday after work or even before work.
I have 40 minutes each way to sit and think and just wonder…
Wishing that I could change everything

The days go by so fast and sleep takes over me,
With each day that passes I just seem to slip away more and more
Slower and slower with each day
It hurts.. it really does

(stay posi)

I’ve heard that a few years ago from someone who meant a lot to me.

I know where it came from and I knew what it meant

I can still try and look back to figure things out.

Try to find the right fit to the puzzle

The right combination to the safe

The correct way to think

The right words to say….

But I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t want to go backwards

So I won’t

Stay posi



Itโ€™s the most wonderful time of the …


Well with Christmas out of the way.

I have to say.

I am sort of sad to say that I miss being able to have “plans” with my “boyfriend”


Having someone else to share Christmas with.

Its been 3 years of single Christmas-ness and I can say now. I miss it.

I honestly do. Even though I was annoyed at being at my past boyfriends families houses sometimes. ๐Ÿ™„(Don’t we all!?) I still miss it though.

It’s like apart of life. You know.

The Good. The Bad. && The Ugly.

I say all this as I’m sitting here alone.
In bed.
Doing some word searches
…while watching Judge Judy.
Just home alone.

Sounds pretty sad right!?
Or maybe it sounds like I am having the time of my life…


It does feel pretty nice not having to go out and be apart of something extra.

But I still miss it.
I know what your thinking


I know I make no sense what so ever.

But I am still going to say it. I know I am not the only one that has felt or experienced something like this before because again we are all only human. But I just wanted to share this and I do hope that everyone

Single or not

Had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday Season. ๐Ÿ˜Š



I don’t like the day and age I live in.
We live in.
Compared to the other decades that have long passed, this one seems almost impossible to live in.
To get by in.
To find happiness in.
To live normally in.
To have something real in.

(It’s crazy honestly)

One minute you could feel like you are on top of the world and nothing can stop you or bring you down. Nothing can stand in your way for you are completely invincible.

(Or maybe… that’s me)….
(Well probably just me)
(Anyways.. moving forward, back to the point on this entry)

If people could take the time out to respond to someone or at least let them know what the deal is so they can stop having their time wasted..
If people could just be more considerate of others.. that would be AMAZING!!ย 
If more people could take the time to acknowledge when they are in the wrong and try to make it right…
that would be INCREDBILY AWESOME!!
If more people were just honest with themselves and not try to put on a “front or a “show” just for other peoples entertainment..
But no…
that is clearly too much to ask for ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
..way too much to ask for..

As a society, we seem to do more bad than good.
As a society, we seem to care more about what other people think that do not matter.
As a society, we should understand how people work, and how it is different for everyone.
It is about time, that we as a society take a step in a different direction and learn to protect and respect other people.

For we all are only human and our feelings are real.
Our feelings are what holds us together.
It is our glue…..

But no one will actually ever do that.
It seems to be way too much.
Way to difficult.
Way to “not my problem” -ish
Way to “sucks to be you”
I don’t literally mean no one..
just most people wont,
They wont, because it gives them that sense of people wanting them, when that is not always the cast. Those kind of people are attention seekers. Seeing the world as an opposite.

People need to get off of their invisible high horses and get back reality.
Get back to the times when it was okay to care about other people.
Back in the days when it was okay to show some real feelings, and no one faulted you for being yourself.

Since when did everything become just for show?
Since when did everything seem to become a competition?
Since when did we become so cruel in not only our words but with our actions?

There are way too many people in this world that can’t seem to grasp reality to the point that anyone on the other end side of them will only be able to see the negativity.

&& with that..

It gives them that sense that they have options, which is obviously wrong
&& ridiculous.
I would like people to know and to understand that things like this are a reason why people have certain thoughts and become hurt or even damage themselves…

People need to be aware and have the respect for one another to just speak up and not ignore others, or treat others like they are an option..
โ€ฆ but instead

Talk. Engage. Learn.