What is Writing…

Writing is the best form of communication for me.
It doesn’t mess me up. (It has my back.)
Or have me stumbling over my own words.
It doesn’t make me look stupid or embarrassed.
Or forget important information that could be lost in the heat of a communication.

Writing to me is so powerful.
Its form really does take all!
It is beautiful in all of its glory.
&& gives all the readers a chance to take things in a new light…
Set their own tone.

Writing is there when no one else seems to be…

Writing is love.
Love that is always there for you when you need it the most.
This form fills your heart.
It makes you happy.
It makes you feel so hopeful, like nothing in this world could stop it.
It has a heart that beats along with yours forever in tune.

Writing is so playful.
It can give you the hints of the world while keeping a smile on your face.
It can be one of the most memorable times because the memories would be forever.

Writing is sadness.
It will cause you extreme hurt, pain && doubt.
This writing would make you feel so alone.
So worthless.
So helpless.

Writing to me is a song.
The words can get stuck in your head && tangled in your thoughts.
It gives off a lovely melody to satisfy your mood.
The depth of the words can bring out the best or the worst in people.

Writing is a fight.
Everyone writes, but not everyone wins.

Writing is a lesson. 
That can only be learned with commitment && time.

Writing is me.

xoxoLaLa

 

Growth

So for the past week or so,

I have really been wanting to just sit down && write.. type.. whatever.. (you know what I mean… )

&& here I am finally doing it!

I don’t really have a “theme” for this post but I am just generally in a good mood.

Minus the fact of me being tired basically all week && today being the last day of a 7 day stretch, which I haven’t done in a while so it got me pretty damn good.

But between all that, I had a good week.

I have recently discovered that I like to look back on the little things that I have noticed about myself && see what else I can do.. to continue to find my ultimate happiness..

Just seeing how much I have changed in the last year alone is just kind of mind blowing to me. It is one of those things where I feel like change is good. It is something that I can be happy about.

Not that I did it on purpose or anything but I can appreciate a lot more things.

Time has always been a factor, (generally speaking)
But I feel like more recently, time is basically everything to me.
Time is one of those things where people can just waste it, or use it wisely.

I use it wisely.
I want to continue to make the most out of the time I am given.
No matter if it is very good or a little bad.

I always noticed by the day,
that it seems like I am just becoming less of an introvert && a shy person or a soft spoken person (Which soft spoken hasn’t been me in a very long time) but also a caring person.

I will be the person who will start a conversation.
Not because I am confident,
But because I have realized over time that somethings are not worth missing out on.
&& also that a lot of things are not that serious.. (to me anyways)

Take chances, make mistakes, get messy -Miss Frizzle 

But that is life.
I am still learning as a person && I don’t know if I will completely understand it all
But
One day I’ll get the hang of things && be able to form them into the way that I feel that they should fit.

It is all about growing.

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Why the Fukk Do You Care?

LITERALLY!

One of the things that I have never seemed to fully come to terms with over the past..
Lets just say many years… 🙂
… caring.. overthinking.. (perfect recipe for disaster right?) ha

See here is the thing;
We all think that we are so much different from everyone else,
&& that no one understands our struggles.. “struggles”

Like dude… I get it.. Life sucks sometimes, but what’s the point of taking all your energy && putting it towards something that doesn’t matter.

Something that will not get you ANY WHERE! Absolutely nowhere in this goddamn world! 🙂
I struggle with that sometimes. So I can speak in it…
But not that often,
It seems to come out of no where && just fukk my whole life up.
Then I get stuck && start to think about life as a whole..
&& try to figure out if I even belong..

I know..
We all know..
Shit sucks
&& it is uber annoying…
But it is okay..
I promise.

I know that every time you are looking to reach out,
you can feel like there is no one there to hear you,
or want to hear you..
But here is the thing..
You have to do that yourself.

You have to be the one that has that kind of control over your life.
Ha like me so..
Literally not even an hour ago.
Driving.
Just thinking.
Music.
More thinking.
More driving

Random ass Sadness.

Then I just kind of started saying things out loud that I didn’t really think anyone would want to hear or understand.

But it fucking helped.

It made me realize somethings.. some more things to add on the list about myself.
It made me see that there are literally a trillion things wrong in this world && I am not one of those mothafuckersssss
It made me smile through my bullshit ass tears, (still don’t really know what made me so upset.)
It made me laugh.
&& it made me feel like I belonged to myself.
But…
One thing that we fail to realize is that,
PEOPLE
ARE
NOT
CREATED
TO
FILL
YOUR
HAPPINESS

Seriously,
Like sometimes you just got to take a bullet.
Look like a stupid fucker.
Get over it.
&& be your biggest supporter!

Another thing we fail to realize is that, you
YES.. you my friend… need to be your own cheerleader.
You have to be the one to make yourself happy.

Because..
Shit.. we are all out here taking all this time to create sadness or even pity for ourselves && focusing on literally something that doesn’t matter.. that never mattered.
Why the fuck do we care though?

Insecure?
Maybe for some?

Everyone has their own reasons,
but I feel like they are all very similar && definitely connect.

That is why I write…

There are times when I just sit && there is nothing but sadness filled in these words,
but for me..
I rather get them out in the open && out of my head.
Try to clear some room for the happiness I deserve.

Also,
Something to remember…
It is okay to be a little hard on yourself.
ITS IIGHT..

I can admit that I am stupid at times && look back wishing I could take things back..

But this is real life
&& not a fucking movie so that shit ain’t about to happen.

Now with that all being said..
I hope you were able to smile…
Maybe even laugh.. just a teeny tiny bit..
&& most importantly..
I hope you were able to take something positive away from my words…

Seriously,
Because your fucking dope.

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Coming to an End

Sometimes it is hard to believe that I keep falling for the same BS people dish out to me. I’ve been blown off && forgotten about more times than I would like to admit.

But it’s true

I kind of hate how I am. A true Pisces.

&& it can be super annoying
because at the end of the day I still care && don’t want to hurt anybody on that level….
While it has always seems to happen to me && then I am stuck there left alone.
Left on Read.
&& ignored like nothing happened …

Three strikes && your out.
But yet I keep stepping back up to the plate..

I want to be happy. I really do but I don’t know why I keep letting others put me down.
I am stronger than that && I have to learn that it is okay to hurt others.. to a degree
&& to speak my mind even if it is something that they are not going to want to hear.
&& that is one of my fears..

I am already all alone.
My life is pretty bland.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Nothing.

But people will make it seem that way.
I have always dropped or changed things around that I wanted to do just to get the chance to hangout with someone I was looking forward to seeing.
&& in return… it is never that way. I hate it.

I need to change the way I am.

I have to stop letting others get the best of me.

I have to be a stronger person because I do not need them.

I don’t need anyone that doesn’t enjoy my company.

I don’t need anyone that doesn’t respect me enough to speak what’s on their mind instead of leading me on.

I don’t need or want false hope.

I would just like to be treated the way that you would want someone to treat you.

&& I don’t think it is that much to ask for honestly.

I think no matter what I will still always have a good heart.

Just not for you anymore.

4ver && always
xoxoLaLa

Coming to Terms (Me Myself && I)

Sometimes, if not most of the time,
I hate that I am reminded of how alone I really am.
(I know, I know, I’m always rambling on about the same old thing, cry me a river. blah blah blah bullshit)

But seriously..

Not having that support system when you need it the most sucks.

It’s like when you feel like the world is against you && your left feeling all alone.

No one seems to be able to help, && you think that they will never understand how you feel. && it kind of hurts at times.

You think that they have no idea how there are so many things that can destroy a person.

But they do..

To think that hmm, not even family members or close friends can help you,
or be there for you because it is simply not the same thing.

But it is.

Your problems are not theirs!
So they can’t relate, or just choose not too?
You are the controller of your life.
No one is put on this earth to fix you!

But that’s life. && that is how we can think at times.

There are feelings that we get && sometimes we feel like it is just ourselves against everyone else, even when they are on our side.

We shouldn’t think that way.

I say it is me, myself && I because it is a fact.
I have been alone for years && slowly I am adjusting to it more && more each day
&& looking at the reality of what my life has become so far.

People like to say that you don’t need anyone to be happy..
Which is true to an extent, I think, but it is not always just about finding someone to make you happy…

It runs much deeper than that, && that is the thing that a lot of people seem to misunderstand…

It is about the feelings, all of them, the good, the bad && the ugly.
It is about the emotions. the happiness && the sadness.
It is about the support system, the ones that go both ways.
It is about cherishing moments that you might not have thought would ever happen if you didn’t find this other soul to take that journey with you.
It is about building. It’s about learning. It’s about living.

It isn’t just something that you can buy at the store.
It is something that just runs through your veins when everything just feels oh so right..
It is the joy we all wish to discover one day.
The life we want to lead…

Maybe.

But until then, it is just
Me, myself && I
Until we meet.
Until the time is right.
There is no need to rush.
Just take your time.

*If it is you, who feels alone.
Just remember it is not permanent.

xoxoLaLa