Questioned

I know we are not together nor were we ever together or even be together for that matter.

So why am I here?
Why have I cared so much?
Why have I waited for you almost everyday just to hear something as simple as hi!?
You know the one thing that sucks the most is that being the kind of person that I am doesn’t get you anywhere!
Caring, loyal, honest, trustworthy etc… it’s all trash.. nothing but bullshit!
It’s all made up for people like me to be used && ignored and treated like nothing!

No feelings no emotions.
No nothing!

I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to let go.
Oh wait,
I know why..
…because I am me && I am not good enough for anyone.

Not worth anyone’s time… So why am I here?

Every time when I think something is going to get better it doesn’t, but why would it?
That would be way to easy.
There are times when I wish that I wasn’t the way that I am.
I guess I am a rare breed which only makes the most sense.
I’m not lucky enough to even feel happiness or feel like it is something to be worth being so different.
I rather not give a single fuck.
Like 99.8% of the world.
Unfortunately, there will be so many missed opportunities because my heart won’t let me leave the one that I really, really liked spending time with.
But that is just a memory now.
Left in the past..
Drifted away in the wind…

One that I don’t wish to read up on again because it would honestly hurt way too much.
I am at the point where I just want it to all go away.
I shouldn’t of been so blind for so long, because who knows, I could of been a lot happier by now….
But I am also afraid to write down certain things because they are the things that I don’t wish to remember or relive…
Where is that person who is suppose to tell me that everything is going to be alright!?

 

I guess that person doesn’t exist either.

xoxoLaLa