Facing My Fears

So over time.
As I got older.
I guess I kind of fell out of being a social person.
Even though I really never was one.
But over time I was able to get over being shy.

I’ve come along way && I am happy about that.

So about a few months ago.
I wanted to go out by myself to a bar like I used to, but that never happened because I got a panic attack quickly and aborted the mission.

I went out again && it was a bit successful.
I mean during the day is not problem because usually there is no one there or anyone that I might find attractive.

But today was the day that I finally sucked it up after going back and forth on what I should do && I did it!

😁😁😁

I am actually currently sitting at this bar /pub that I have been at one time before with a friend. (It’s close so I went with it.)

It’s pretty dead here right about now but that’s okay. (10:10 PM)

I don’t know how to take this all in but I am here && that’s all that matters.

This is a step in a new direction for myself, && it feels so it’s nice.

I realize that this all sounds pretty stupid to a regular person who actually does stuff with their lives but it’s me && I am pretty lame

GO ME!

Fast forward to about 20 minutes later on my first drink still.
Ha!
&& I am feeling it, watching basketball and baseball.
So exciting right!?

As I sit here, I am listening to everyone’s conversation && I’m just here lol
alone but it’s not the worst thing in the world

….

So going into the second hour && I’m a little over it.
&& pretty beat.

But I mean, what else is new.

…..

Still with the same drink that I just finished that was pretty much watered down from the ice since I’ve had it for so long.
Two hours in.

GO ME!

As I was thinking that it was time for me to leave after basically embarrassing myself by opening a tab to only have one drink in that many hours was kind of ridiculous to me.

I wish I was able to jump into conversations.
Maybe if I were drunk, but I wasn’t.
As I finished my drink, some older man across the bar from me waved.
Then said something I couldn’t hear.

Then the bartender came over && said that guy would like to buy me a drink.
I declined && closed out my lengthy tab.
Thanked the guy across from,
Signed my bill,
&& left.

I would of taken a second drink but I also had to pee.

I had to piss ..lol
Yea I think I like that word better.

So I opted to leave.

I know that some were probably trying to figure out why I was so quiet, or maybe why I was even alone.
I am pretty sure that is what that guy was saying.

GO ME!

Anyways…
I am glad that I did something out of my comfort zone.
I think the experience will help me be able to go out more && feel not so alone when in fact I am there alone.
&& it will be okay.

Face your fears

xoxoLaLa

ASMR ..tap…type…tap..

So I absolutely love watching/listening to ASMR videos.
If you haven’t experienced an ASMR video, I highly suggest that you do!

(As I am typing these words I noticed that I am whispering like they do..lol)

So I thought to myself.. what if I attempted to do an ASMR blog post..

( I am dying of laughter just thinking about how ridiculous this sounds but hey that’s what I am here for!)

Will it work?

…probably not

but I am sure I can make something fun out of it..

So without further a due.. ha lets get to it!

So I decided that I am going to go with the classic setting of cutting your hair.

Let us begin!

Soft whisper:

(Literally I would like you to read this aloud in a soft whisper, you know to get the whole effect 😉)

“Hello there.
Thank you for coming to heyhihello salon.
Did you find the place okay”.. okay okay okay. (dramatic right?) (lmao kill me now)

“Very good. I am going to need to get some information from you.”

“Okay, so what is your name?”  Scribble scribble scribble

“Okay, very good, now what time is your appointment. Scribble scribble scribble scribble

“&& the name of the person who you made an appointment for?” …for ..for ..for

Mhmmm. Scribble scribble scribble scribble scribble

“Thank you.”

“Come this way. I will take you to your seat.”

Swish. Swish. Swish. (Don’t ask, I have no idea what the whole swish, swish was about)

(Whomever you had your appointment with is waiting with a smile and says…)

“Hello.”

“What are you looking to get done to your hair today?”

Mmhmm. Mmhmmm

“Okay.”

“Sure I can get that done for you.”

(A trim)

Let’s start by combing your hair and then moving over to the sink to wash your hair.”

Brush. Brush. Brush.

Comb. Comb. Comb.

(Now for this part say it in between slow breaths, really pronouncing every letter)

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

“Very good.”

“Let me help you over to the sink.

“Here have a seat.” seat. seat. seat. seat

Splash. Splash. Woosh. Woosh.

Scrub. Scrub.

Woosh. Splash. Woosh. Splash. Splash. Scrub.

(I literally have no idea how to even describe how water sounds. I guess I should of thought this through all the way but I am legit just having the time of my life right now! )

“Let me grab a towel for you and we can get our hair dried and ready for your trim.”
trim. trim

Okay so side note: we are just going to fast forward to the actual trim.

Comb. comb.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip. Snip. Comb.

Snip.

“It is looking good already, I hope you like it as much as I do!”

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip.

“Okay, you are all done!”

“Take a look!”

“Do you like it?.. .I knew you would!”

(She probably hates it but it’s okay, I am going to take this as a win..lol)

“Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day!”

Alright. (Back to normal voice/writing)

So I kind of liked that, I mean it wasn’t super detailed but then again I mean I was just winging it because I thought it would be an interestingly, differently, amazingly kind of post.

You know, like something to shake it up a bit without going over board.
But eh. Maybe I did. Whatever.

Anyways. I hope you had fun participating with me.
I kind of sort of wish that you were able to hear me do this post aloud.

Super Duper side note:

I did on my Instagram read a post before && am not opposed to doing another one if anyone really cares that much 🙂

Anywho.

Thanks for reading.

We shall meet again!

xoxoLaLa

 

Just Me

If you don’t write it down when it is fresh on the mind, the passion will be lost in the words.

Story of the day:

So I was out and about, had to make a stop somewhere to pick up some paperwork for the summer and I noticed something similar with the three women that were there.

One behind the register and two customers stand side by side waiting to be done with their transactions.
I first noticed the woman directly next to me on my right. She had her hand resting on her cheek and then I saw it!

She was wearing a wedding ring.
&& so were the other two women.

(I know it doesn’t sound like much but….)
So I was thinking to myself while being there like “wow“..
I never really been the kind of person who was all about getting married or even dreamt of such a thing.

..I guess you could say that I was pretty basic and didn’t care about things like that.
Which is fine and no shade to anyone who is opposite of that.

Anyways…

So I get back in my car and have a long self talk about my life in general.
I slowly realized that this is not the life that I wanted for myself, or even thought to have.
Which sounds terrible to say out loud and in writing, but it is my truth.

Maybe there are somethings that I regret here and there but nothing super major.
After seeing that, obviously no one truly knows a relationship and how it works unless you are in it, but the fact that someone out there was willing and wanted to commit to those women was something great to know.
Sort of like seeing a hidden mystery.

I don’t pity myself.
But I do think that it would be SUPER AWESOME to know that there was at least one person in this world with a billion other souls that wanted.. JUST ME..

I see so many memes about love and different quotes, all of the same category,
&& I swear they seem to know when to pop up and I saw one yesterday that made me think a lot more about what I am missing in life…

Of course they say that you don’t need someone to make you feel complete but chances are the person saying that has terrible luck or is with someone. It is like a win/win/lose/lose kind of topic.

Sucks don’t it?

But I really do wonder sometimes what it would be like again..
What it would be like to wake up to a simple text like.
“Hey.” or even “Good Morning”.

(see, I told you I was basic!)

But even something as small as that I would love, I crave… Maybe?

Then that also got me thinking about everything else.
Like my job or why I cant even find a second job..
Why is it all so hard, why do all odds seem to be against me

(Shouldn’t I have my life together by now? Or do they say by 30 you should have your life together.. I guess I still have sometime there, but I don’t see much changing :/ , I mean its not like it is a law or something… right.. right! RIGHT?? )

Moving along..

Some might think that maybe I am being too picky…

No, I am not being picky,
I just can’t figure out what I am doing wrong to be successful in that aspect.

Even looking for an apartment to downsize in, has been challenging and being completely opened to a 40 minute radius has seemed to fail me .. I don’t get it.
(I think for this one it is safe to just blame on life..??? )

But one of the things that have sucked the most for me is not being able to be the parent with all the answers…

Seeming to fail my child when I am still trying to figure things out myself.. Sucks.
I mean to be fair parenting is not something I think that anyone can master.
It is just one of those things. It is life…

But

Yes, I would love to have a house with a backyard,
more like a townhouse I would be good with,
but I can’t give that to myself or my child. && it sucks.

&& it is something as little as that, just to have a home, not an apartment, a house.
Its crazy that I can’t even do that!

Because it is just me

I think it will always be just me.
For whatever reason…

But I am sure that it will be okay because maybe one day (fingers crossed) I will be able to make that little goal and it will make the world of a difference in our lives…  🙂

It is like when they say.

” There is no use of crying over spilled milk.”

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Taking A Long Break To Live Like An Adult

Frick Frack Cadillac
Look at that, Oh hey LaLa’s Back (in actionnnnnnnnn) *screaming*

HEYYYYYYYY

How is everyone doing on this mighty fine day!? I’m going to assume everyone is in tip top amazingly fantesticle shape && feeling fabtastic on a stick.

Now…
Moving on to more important news.
So I have been in my “first” apartment for over a year now and it went by super fast and it is such a great feeling of accomplishment until…..
Them bills start flying in and it is just solely, taking on all financials by myself, the last places that I have lived were with people that I was dating at the time.

blah blah.

But that has all changed because I am a sack of shit no one wants! 🙂

(lmao totally joking)

But seriously it is sooo nice,

like so, so so nice to be able to have something like your space, your own place to yourself. It is be bees knees.. lol

It is obviously an accomplishment and is an amazingly good feeling. Something that I have not felt like ever in my many years of life and adulthood which is nice, its a nice change of pace.

Along with getting my own place, I have been working literally all the time, (usually working 6 days a week) but that has changed a little to me actually working 7 days a week for a few weeks. About a month and that is a motherfucking killer, making my weekends the longest work days at 12 hour days waking up around 6 in the morning to get home around 9:30 at night.

I know it is crazy, it is like I am addicting to working or something .

I am obsessed with being independent lol look at me committing a “crime.”

But since then I have slowed down a little with my work life. Losing a job is NOT the best thing to deal with in the world but it obviously happens. And it happened to this gal! (two thumbs up to myself) #adultlife

I know it’s not a joking matter but I am slowly waiting for my life to just fall apart completely, yay!

What else is new..

but enough about the boring lets keep this conversation moving into a more “positive” light.

So like I have mentioned before, in the beginning of this blog I am back, (that whole frick frack Cadillac bid) I haven’t really left. I have been around, just not posting a whole lot. I enjoy reading other blogs and hearing their stories.

I also enjoy writing my own things a lot so don’t be surprised if you see tons of posts out of know where, trust me it will be as normal as possible. I have literally over 50 drafts that are sitting and waiting to be finished.

I know.. I know

But that is the fun part about writing. I would love to know what you guys have been up to if anything or if you have been looking or waiting for me to post (probably not, but one can dream)

Anyways.

I feel like this is

………

Bless me!

( I literally can’t with this sneezing shit, it just ruins the mood, ha)

Well now with that I am outta here, stuffy nose and all.
Just a heads up, if you made it this far you will realize that I clearly went off track and had nothing else to add to this blog but the main purpose was to let all you fantastic people know that I am still here! (trying)

xoxoLaLa