Thinking Out Loud

 

Where is the closure?

Where is the answers?

Where were you?

(..I am just thinking out loud…)

I know the best thing for me is not to dwell on the things that should be left where they have landed.

I know that for me to heal, I can’t question anything.

I have to let time takes its course..

I know it sucks. Like it really sucks.

I know that I am hating myself for falling back into the same rhythm over && over again.

I know that I miss it a lot when I know I shouldn’t.

I know I shouldn’t think about wanting to yell && curse. But I want to.

I want to do all the things that I know will only cause me further pain.

I know I want to just know why..

Why?

Just simply why?

I know that it is better to just leave things unanswered && to move forward.

I know it shouldn’t be this hard to get over something like this. But it is.

I have struggled to find happiness with myself for so long && seeking other things delayed me to achieve that.

Man it sucks. It really does.

(.. I am just thinking out loud..)

I hate that the world feels like it is going to end at any point.
Even though I know that’s false..

I know I will one day be able to live again && feel invincible.

I know that if I keep making up things for me to change my focus to, I will be better off.

I hate that I wanted this for myself.

I know that I wanted to make a change this year.

I didn’t know that it would of came so soon..

(.. just thinking out loud)

I can’t believe how real it has all become in the matter of weeks.

I lost myself for years && the light to guide me out is just no where in sight.

I know I have to push forward.

I know I have my life.

I know what I have to do.

I know I have to get to the light && take my life back.

I know it will be hard && I hate that.

But for this main purpose….

I have to do what I promised myself.

I will find my way.

I will find the light.

I will gain back my happiness.

For it will always stay in sight.

xoxoLaLa

The “Skinny” Girl

I have always been the kind of person who was born “lucky”. (in a sense)
And when I say that, I am talking about something very specific that I couldn’t help because it was just the way I have always been.
&& some people thought of me as being”lucky”. (Stupid right!?)

Let’s dive a little more deeper.
(but I am pretty sure you are able to figure out what this is all about from the title!)
I have always been a fairly “skinny” person.
I put the word in quotes because.. I don’t know. Some people make it sound ridiculous.
I guess when I was in high school it was like the best thing ever??
And being thin was the “IT” thing….? Or some shit like that..

Even when I was pregnant I only weight maybe 135 lbs, && again…
I couldn’t help that.
I can say though, that after the fact I was indeed lucky to go right back into “shape”.
But the whole point of this blog is that just because you are skinny does not mean your in shape.
That is one thing that I literally hated hearing, && still do dislike hearing.

Here are some of the struggles of being skinny;

  1. I can tell someone my current weight and they do not believe me.
    Apparently it is a lie.
    It’s crazy isn’t it!?
    Why would anyone lie about something so minimal like that?
  2. Some people seem to think that you don’t eat a lot and you have a problem.
    Aka you have an eating disorder. ๐Ÿ™„
  3. People say that I don’t need to work out because I am skinny, when being skinny has nothing.
    NOTHING to do with being in shape && healthy. ๐Ÿ™ƒ
  4. ย Someone is always constantly reminding me that I am skinny.
  5. When you are excited that you put on some weight or even mention you want to gain weigh, for some reason it seems to be an issue.&& there goes an eye roll
    ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„
  6. Everyone always thinks that your going to just become obese when you hit a certain again, like everyone’s body is the same.
    Seriously probably one of the most annoying things I have ever heard.
    Clearly everyone is not the same or built the same or even eats the same and has the same issues.
    Sounds like a tiny bit of jealousy!? Not saying that people are jealous of me per say but generally speaking when there is that sort of “hate” or “negativity” for no reason what so ever.

Anyways…
I guess 6 is good for right now. lol

I just basically wanted to say that because being skinny is not everything.
Coming from a skinny person!
There are real life struggles of someone being skinny that is really not what it is all cracked up to be.
So people just need to settle down and think about what you are going to say to someone that you find to be “too skinny”
We all have feelings and it is not pleasant to hear certain things, that are pretty much insulting,ย even though others might think it is a compliment.

But it is not.
K thanks.
Until next time.

Just be beautiful in the skin you are in!

xoxoLaLa

One Time For My Brow Girls

Shout out to the people who are super blessed to have real life eyebrows! lol
No pencil needed!

First, I would like to say that I am jealous of you all.
You have no idea the struggle that I have had trying to fill in these lines above my eyes.
Trying to get them all even and “realistic” && shit daily.. it can suck…
Seriously… it can, I wouldn’t lie to you.. It is just so goddamn time consuming and I don’t even care half the time.
They will literally be a different shape and style everyday.
That is where my brows and I stand…

Where did that come from you might ask???
…heres the quick version.

I was on Instagram, just browsing through the the search part of the app, and I see this girl and her brows were super thick. (almost too thick)

Thick like a milkshake,
This like molasses,
Thick like a stack of pancakes

Thicker than the straw!
Just plain ole thick, (I think I was able to paint a good ass picture for you just now).. lol

So I clicked on her picture and profile only to learn that they were natural…
I was all like damnnnnn..
I WISH I HAD SOME NICE EYEBROWS.
NICE AND THICK,
PLUMPALICIOUS BROWS
(lol too far???)

Brows to be proud of.
Brows with personality.
Brows of the future.

VOTE FOR BROWS

LOL

But anyways.
On that note.
Makeup.

I have that love/hate relationship with it.
There are some days where I want to go “all out” with my make up but most of the times (more recently) I have just been doing the basic.

(Basic Bitch Alert)

Guys have it so easy.
I say that way to often, but it seems like a legit statement.
But I would be an ugly guy.
Maybe, but maybe I would have some bomb ass eyebrows.
The world will never know though… ha

IMG_1572xoxoLaLa