Taking A Long Break To Live Like An Adult

Frick Frack Cadillac
Look at that, Oh hey LaLa’s Back (in actionnnnnnnnn) *screaming*

HEYYYYYYYY

How is everyone doing on this mighty fine day!? I’m going to assume everyone is in tip top amazingly fantesticle shape && feeling fabtastic on a stick.

Now…
Moving on to more important news.
So I have been in my “first” apartment for over a year now and it went by super fast and it is such a great feeling of accomplishment until…..
Them bills start flying in and it is just solely, taking on all financials by myself, the last places that I have lived were with people that I was dating at the time.

blah blah.

But that has all changed because I am a sack of shit no one wants! 🙂

(lmao totally joking)

But seriously it is sooo nice,

like so, so so nice to be able to have something like your space, your own place to yourself. It is be bees knees.. lol

It is obviously an accomplishment and is an amazingly good feeling. Something that I have not felt like ever in my many years of life and adulthood which is nice, its a nice change of pace.

Along with getting my own place, I have been working literally all the time, (usually working 6 days a week) but that has changed a little to me actually working 7 days a week for a few weeks. About a month and that is a motherfucking killer, making my weekends the longest work days at 12 hour days waking up around 6 in the morning to get home around 9:30 at night.

I know it is crazy, it is like I am addicting to working or something .

I am obsessed with being independent lol look at me committing a “crime.”

But since then I have slowed down a little with my work life. Losing a job is NOT the best thing to deal with in the world but it obviously happens. And it happened to this gal! (two thumbs up to myself) #adultlife

I know it’s not a joking matter but I am slowly waiting for my life to just fall apart completely, yay!

What else is new..

but enough about the boring lets keep this conversation moving into a more “positive” light.

So like I have mentioned before, in the beginning of this blog I am back, (that whole frick frack Cadillac bid) I haven’t really left. I have been around, just not posting a whole lot. I enjoy reading other blogs and hearing their stories.

I also enjoy writing my own things a lot so don’t be surprised if you see tons of posts out of know where, trust me it will be as normal as possible. I have literally over 50 drafts that are sitting and waiting to be finished.

I know.. I know

But that is the fun part about writing. I would love to know what you guys have been up to if anything or if you have been looking or waiting for me to post (probably not, but one can dream)

Anyways.

I feel like this is

………

Bless me!

( I literally can’t with this sneezing shit, it just ruins the mood, ha)

Well now with that I am outta here, stuffy nose and all.
Just a heads up, if you made it this far you will realize that I clearly went off track and had nothing else to add to this blog but the main purpose was to let all you fantastic people know that I am still here! (trying)

xoxoLaLa

One Time We Painted…

So the other day.

Like a  few weeks ago actually.

I went over to my cousins house to attempt to paint a master piece on a few walls in her kids bedroom.

One to start.

(The other room is another adventure that has yet to be written.)

But first. I’m not gonna lie.

She had mentioned this a few times but I did not feel like being active because sleep was sounding way too good at the time.

Being off for like three weeks from work.
Like what what.
Lol yes, I wasn’t about that doing shit life. tbh.

Anyways.

So I got over there at like…. 11 in the morning.

I want to say like 11:08 but same shit

(we are just going to round backwards to make it look like I was up a little earlier)

So we started by trying to figure out a game plan.

She had already did some sketches and what not hours before I got there.

So basically we went with a city “outline” on the one wall and then the other was Captain America’s Shield. And then a door that was referenced to Superman.

So I want to say after all was said and done with the tape up and all it was like after 1.

We were not really about that life and hungry from all the “work” we had done and went to eat lol

I mean we did, I think start to paint before that.

So here was where we were at.

I had to do the door because I just had to. (It was given to me)

Lmao and of course.

Of course ,I didn’t take a picture of the door.

So that was basically phase 1.

Looks pretty good right. Like we are some mothafukking professionals up in this bitch.

Hire us.

Lol.

This was some during and then that’s all I got.

Lmao.

I ended up doing the star white and we did the rest of this wall grey in a “fuck it” way because of the colors we had to use.

And didn’t get a picture of anything else …lmao

Not gonna lie I thought that I had more pictures but I clearly dropped the ball on this one folks.

So sorry if you thought this was going to be a long drawn out thing with tons of pictures because my ass Fucked up lol

But still

Hire me.

Okay that’s all.

Until next time.

Paint on.

xoxoLaLa

One day I gave up

I gave up…

I gave up because you did.

I gave up because you stopped.

I gave up because you didn’t want it.

I gave up because I knew better.

I gave up because I was wrong for all the right reasons.

But

You stopped..

You stopped it all.

You stopped caring.

You stopped loving.

You stopped being the one.

You stopped being the person I swore I knew.

You stopped everything that I thought was the truth.

&& then I stopped living.

I stopped believing everything that you fed to me.

I stopped believing all the lies you told me.

I stopped caring so much about all the things that did not matter.

I stopped because you stopped.

But I moved on…

&& one day you will do the same.

(Even though, you already have…)

One day you will show the world that it was nothing but a lie.

One day.

One day my friend it will all be clear.

One day I will be able to hear your name and not shed a tear.

One day I will laugh at all the mistakes I have made with you.

One day I will learn from them.

One day.

I will be okay.

I will be better.

I will forget.

I will move on.

I will not look back.

I will be happy again.

One day.

&& when that one day does decide to show up, I will be there.

I will be there with my suitcase in hand and on my way.

On my way to a place that I never knew existed.

A place that was meant for me.

A place that I will make my own.

A place where I belong.

One day.

xoxoLaLa

 

 

Just Wait

Lately I have seen a handful of people find someone.
People that have went “forever” being alone.

They seem to have found happiness all at once…
And that makes me happy

It makes me so happy to see other people happy.
It is sort of like a sense of hope,

a sense of worth.

Just all around exciting.

I often wonder when my turn will be.
No rush.
Just something I wonder…

Just thinking about it, makes me think of the little things that I miss…

So many little things….

Just thinking about them give me a small smile.
Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.
Happiness at its finest.

I wonder if I will ever be able to have that sort of happiness again…

It is one of those things that I feel like every single one of us goes through.
We can all often wonder things of that nature when we feel alone,
Or have been alone for a certain period of time.

I am no expert,
Obviously
But I know that things can happen.
Just don’t think about them so much, it will make it worst!

Believe me when I say..

That I have a list in my head,
in my mind,
in my soul

That I replay over and over and over again, each time with a smile bigger than the last

I will be worth it

xoxoLaLa

Stay Posi….

Drained.
Unhappy.
Hopeless.
Sad.
Having no feeling.
Just wanting to be loved.

Days like this are when we say “stay posi
It will all get better soon enough

I have beaten myself up over things that I have had no control over for so long,
&& I am just trying to figure out when it will all be over…

When will I be able to be completely happy again?
I still have yet to find out that answer 😦

&& you know, the only thing I would like to do is be able to make someones day,
I would love to know that someone smiled today because of me.

I just want to spread love, spread happiness..
(stay posi)

Here I sit just thinking about how I missed out on different opportunities because I was afraid..
Afraid to try something new,

Afraid to be happy.. .
&& most days I hate myself for that..
but there is nothing that I can do about it now.
Because..
I messed up and I missed out and I just see so many happy people but I can still never be apart of them.

I do not write for anyone but myself.
I speak words out loud to myself almost everyday after work or even before work.
I have 40 minutes each way to sit and think and just wonder…
Wishing that I could change everything

The days go by so fast and sleep takes over me,
With each day that passes I just seem to slip away more and more
Slower and slower with each day
It hurts.. it really does

(stay posi)

I’ve heard that a few years ago from someone who meant a lot to me.

I know where it came from and I knew what it meant

I can still try and look back to figure things out.

Try to find the right fit to the puzzle

The right combination to the safe

The correct way to think

The right words to say….

But I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t want to go backwards

So I won’t

Stay posi

xoxoLaLa