Facing My Fears

So over time.
As I got older.
I guess I kind of fell out of being a social person.
Even though I really never was one.
But over time I was able to get over being shy.

I’ve come along way && I am happy about that.

So about a few months ago.
I wanted to go out by myself to a bar like I used to, but that never happened because I got a panic attack quickly and aborted the mission.

I went out again && it was a bit successful.
I mean during the day is not problem because usually there is no one there or anyone that I might find attractive.

But today was the day that I finally sucked it up after going back and forth on what I should do && I did it!

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

I am actually currently sitting at this bar /pub that I have been at one time before with a friend. (It’s close so I went with it.)

It’s pretty dead here right about now but that’s okay. (10:10 PM)

I don’t know how to take this all in but I am here && that’s all that matters.

This is a step in a new direction for myself, && it feels so it’s nice.

I realize that this all sounds pretty stupid to a regular person who actually does stuff with their lives but it’s me && I am pretty lame

GO ME!

Fast forward to about 20 minutes later on my first drink still.
Ha!
&& I am feeling it, watching basketball and baseball.
So exciting right!?

As I sit here, I am listening to everyone’s conversation && I’m just here lol
alone but it’s not the worst thing in the world

….

So going into the second hour && I’m a little over it.
&& pretty beat.

But I mean, what else is new.

โ€ฆ..

Still with the same drink that I just finished that was pretty much watered down from the ice since I’ve had it for so long.
Two hours in.

GO ME!

As I was thinking that it was time for me to leave after basically embarrassing myself by opening a tab to only have one drink in that many hours was kind of ridiculous to me.

I wish I was able to jump into conversations.
Maybe if I were drunk, but I wasn’t.
As I finished my drink, some older man across the bar from me waved.
Then said something I couldn’t hear.

Then the bartender came over && said that guy would like to buy me a drink.
I declined && closed out my lengthy tab.
Thanked the guy across from,
Signed my bill,
&& left.

I would of taken a second drink but I also had to pee.

I had to piss ..lol
Yea I think I like that word better.

So I opted to leave.

I know that some were probably trying to figure out why I was so quiet, or maybe why I was even alone.
I am pretty sure that is what that guy was saying.

GO ME!

Anyways…
I am glad that I did something out of my comfort zone.
I think the experience will help me be able to go out more && feel not so alone when in fact I am there alone.
&& it will be okay.

Face your fears

xoxoLaLa

The “Skinny” Girl

I have always been the kind of person who was born “lucky”. (in a sense)
And when I say that, I am talking about something very specific that I couldn’t help because it was just the way I have always been.
&& some people thought of me as being”lucky”. (Stupid right!?)

Let’s dive a little more deeper.
(but I am pretty sure you are able to figure out what this is all about from the title!)
I have always been a fairly “skinny” person.
I put the word in quotes because.. I don’t know. Some people make it sound ridiculous.
I guess when I was in high school it was like the best thing ever??
And being thin was the “IT” thing….? Or some shit like that..

Even when I was pregnant I only weight maybe 135 lbs, && again…
I couldn’t help that.
I can say though, that after the fact I was indeed lucky to go right back into “shape”.
But the whole point of this blog is that just because you are skinny does not mean your in shape.
That is one thing that I literally hated hearing, && still do dislike hearing.

Here are some of the struggles of being skinny;

  1. I can tell someone my current weight and they do not believe me.
    Apparently it is a lie.
    It’s crazy isn’t it!?
    Why would anyone lie about something so minimal like that?
  2. Some people seem to think that you don’t eat a lot and you have a problem.
    Aka you have an eating disorder. ๐Ÿ™„
  3. People say that I don’t need to work out because I am skinny, when being skinny has nothing.
    NOTHING to do with being in shape && healthy. ๐Ÿ™ƒ
  4. ย Someone is always constantly reminding me that I am skinny.
  5. When you are excited that you put on some weight or even mention you want to gain weigh, for some reason it seems to be an issue.&& there goes an eye roll
    ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„
  6. Everyone always thinks that your going to just become obese when you hit a certain again, like everyone’s body is the same.
    Seriously probably one of the most annoying things I have ever heard.
    Clearly everyone is not the same or built the same or even eats the same and has the same issues.
    Sounds like a tiny bit of jealousy!? Not saying that people are jealous of me per say but generally speaking when there is that sort of “hate” or “negativity” for no reason what so ever.

Anyways…
I guess 6 is good for right now. lol

I just basically wanted to say that because being skinny is not everything.
Coming from a skinny person!
There are real life struggles of someone being skinny that is really not what it is all cracked up to be.
So people just need to settle down and think about what you are going to say to someone that you find to be “too skinny”
We all have feelings and it is not pleasant to hear certain things, that are pretty much insulting,ย even though others might think it is a compliment.

But it is not.
K thanks.
Until next time.

Just be beautiful in the skin you are in!

xoxoLaLa

Afraid

This is the thing that scares me the most about my blog.ย 
I always want to write and make content entertaining enough for those who want to read it, but sometimes I can’t get the words out in the right kind of way.

It is like I am almost afraid to write,
Like I am going to discover something unknown or something weird like that
(I know, my mind has all kinds of tricks up its’ sleeve)

But anyways..

That is mainly why my post have been so scattered, just like my brain 90% of the time,
it’s crazy && I also don’t post unless I feel 200% confident about what I am putting out, (minus like my one blog that pretty much states that this post makes no sense. )

There was a time in my life where I had a somewhat steady YouTube Channel
Using steady in the way meaning that I uploaded regularly.ย 
There are times when I do miss it.

Moving forward,

So the other day, I was in my car, and started to vlog something.
I charged my camera while I was getting ready in the morning && decided to bring it along with me for the day.

This was finally it, I was going to make a video and possibly post it to my channel after a good year or more. I haven’t watched it back but I speak my mind when I feel the need to and rant to myself just to get it out of my head and into the space in front of me.ย 

None of it will probably make sense, but I am ready to not be afraid to put my thoughts into the world, in hopes someone can relate.ย 

(Even though with this blog I have been doing it this whole time.)

Thank you so much โ˜บ๏ธ

&&

Enjoy!ย 

xoxoLaLa

Undiscovered Love

The reason I am alone is because of you,
It has been years,
years of me wanting you && only you
Years of wanting,
years of dreaming of my happiness, with you

There is something about you that can bring a smile to my face
There is something about you that will brighten my day
The only reason why my heart can skip a beat after all this time
The connection that we have is what can make some jealous

My heart goes out to you
My heart beats for you
My life would be complete with you right next to me
But somethings have to wait,
The years that we have spent have been enjoyable

&& with you,
you never left my mind,
you’ve always have a spot in my heart
Where it beats, forever && a day..

Even if it is not with me…

That is the kind of love that some people have no yet discovered.
Some are selfish && don’t wish to let the other person grow.
They don’t want them to seek true happiness when they know it is not with them anymore…

What one might fail to see is that no matter what
Your heart will keep beating.
Yes, it might hurt for sometime, but it is still beating.
It is still in you
It is still yours

We all suffer a lost love at least once in our life time
&& that is okay.

Remember that,
Cherish that,

You will live another day,
You will love another more,

Remember the good times,
Cherish the memories,
Smile at them always,

But remember yourself first

You are not the reason that I am alone
You are not the reason that my heart beats
You are the reason that I can see clear
You are the reason I am free
Free as a bird
Free as a bee

Forever you will remember me

โค๏ธ

xoxoLaLa

 

ASMR ..tap…type…tap..

So I absolutely love watching/listening to ASMR videos.
If you haven’t experienced an ASMR video, I highly suggest that you do!

(As I am typing these words I noticed that I am whispering like they do..lol)

So I thought to myself.. what if I attempted to do an ASMR blog post..

( I am dying of laughter just thinking about how ridiculous this sounds but hey that’s what I am here for!)

Will it work?

…probably not

but I am sure I can make something fun out of it..

So without further a due.. ha lets get to it!

So I decided that I am going to go with the classic setting of cutting your hair.

Let us begin!

Soft whisper:

(Literally I would like you to read this aloud in a soft whisper, you know to get the whole effect ๐Ÿ˜‰)

“Hello there.
Thank you for coming to heyhihello salon.
Did you find the place okay”.. okay okay okay. (dramatic right?) (lmao kill me now)

“Very good. I am going to need to get some information from you.”

“Okay, so what is your name?”ย  Scribble scribble scribble

“Okay, very good, now what time is your appointment. Scribble scribble scribble scribble

“&& the name of the person who you made an appointment for?” …for ..for ..for

Mhmmm. Scribble scribble scribble scribble scribble

“Thank you.”

“Come this way. I will take you to your seat.”

Swish. Swish. Swish. (Don’t ask, I have no idea what the whole swish, swish was about)

(Whomever you had your appointment with is waiting with a smile and says…)

“Hello.”

“What are you looking to get done to your hair today?”

Mmhmm. Mmhmmm

“Okay.”

“Sure I can get that done for you.”

(A trim)

Let’s start by combing your hair and then moving over to the sink to wash your hair.”

Brush. Brush. Brush.

Comb. Comb. Comb.

(Now for this part say it in between slow breaths, really pronouncing every letter)

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

“Very good.”

“Let me help you over to the sink.

“Here have a seat.” seat. seat. seat. seat

Splash. Splash. Woosh. Woosh.

Scrub. Scrub.

Woosh. Splash. Woosh. Splash. Splash. Scrub.

(I literally have no idea how to even describe how water sounds. I guess I should of thought this through all the way but I am legit just having the time of my life right now! )

“Let me grab a towel for you and we can get our hair dried and ready for your trim.”
trim. trim

Okay so side note: we are just going to fast forward to the actual trim.

Comb. comb.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip. Snip. Comb.

Snip.

“It is looking good already, I hope you like it as much as I do!”

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip.

“Okay, you are all done!”

“Take a look!”

“Do you like it?.. .I knew you would!”

(She probably hates it but it’s okay, I am going to take this as a win..lol)

“Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day!”

Alright. (Back to normal voice/writing)

So I kind of liked that, I mean it wasn’t super detailed but then again I mean I was just winging it because I thought it would be an interestingly, differently, amazingly kind of post.

You know, like something to shake it up a bit without going over board.
But eh. Maybe I did. Whatever.

Anyways. I hope you had fun participating with me.
I kind of sort of wish that you were able to hear me do this post aloud.

Super Duper side note:

I did on my Instagram read a post before && am not opposed to doing another one if anyone really cares that much ๐Ÿ™‚

Anywho.

Thanks for reading.

We shall meet again!

xoxoLaLa