I’ve been fighting like hell lately.
Battling things that I didn’t want to come to terms with && now,
Now I don’t have a choice but to face them head on.
I’m struggling. I’ve been. But I’ve been ignoring all the signs.
My confidence is at an all time low.
I’m afraid for myself && I’m fighting to not let this take over me anymore.
Coming to the realization that things will not always work out && that people don’t care.
Others will be at their worst thinking that it is their best.
Saying anything to make you think something that is false.
Being lied to. Is like a spit in the face && it can break those who are not strong enough.
Those who have to fight to be good again.
Those who have to start all over again.
Those who can’t figure out the right way to build themselves up again…
Not everyone is going to want to speak to you or be with you or be around you.
No one thinks the same way you do or has your same thoughts or reactions as you do.
That’s what makes us all unique but we can’t beat ourselves up over it.
I have this friend. My best friend of many years.
I go to her when I really need to hear the truth.
I know that dealing with anyone can be difficult && seem annoying.
I know that I can be that way && I have accepted that.
I think the thing that keeps our friendship where it is, is the honestly.
Brutally honest she is.
I know she tells me things for me to know.
I go to her for advice for certain issues.
She helps me even if she feels I won’t listen.
I do. I just take it in a different way.
I appreciate someone like that in my life, because when it is all said && done,
I know that I have her, && she has me.
I’ve been fighting like HELL
To try to keep myself sane && grounded for the last few days.
I think there is a lot that I need to figure out on my own.
Things that I need to really look at && take seriously.
The pain I feel at this current moment is unbelievably numb.
Unreal. Unwanted. Unloved. Unnecessary.
&& incredibly numb.
I want to be numb to all emotions.
Numb to all things around me.
I want to escape to a place where no one will be able to find me.
But am I really surprised?
Was this all something that has been forced && now I don’t want to let this go?
Do I really feel bad?
Do I really need this?
Do I really want this?
I don’t want it.
I don’t need it.
But I have to figure it out.
I have to be the kind of person who can figure out my own problems &&
Come up with the best solution revolving around myself..
I fear that I will look back on this shit one day && feel nothing but sadness
I do not want to lose this battle.
I won’t give up without a fight.
The fight is within myself.
Others are just the audience..