Just Me

If you don’t write it down when it is fresh on the mind, the passion will be lost in the words.

Story of the day:

So I was out and about, had to make a stop somewhere to pick up some paperwork for the summer and I noticed something similar with the three women that were there.

One behind the register and two customers stand side by side waiting to be done with their transactions.
I first noticed the woman directly next to me on my right. She had her hand resting on her cheek and then I saw it!

She was wearing a wedding ring.
&& so were the other two women.

(I know it doesn’t sound like much but….)
So I was thinking to myself while being there like “wow“..
I never really been the kind of person who was all about getting married or even dreamt of such a thing.

..I guess you could say that I was pretty basic and didn’t care about things like that.
Which is fine and no shade to anyone who is opposite of that.

Anyways…

So I get back in my car and have a long self talk about my life in general.
I slowly realized that this is not the life that I wanted for myself, or even thought to have.
Which sounds terrible to say out loud and in writing, but it is my truth.

Maybe there are somethings that I regret here and there but nothing super major.
After seeing that, obviously no one truly knows a relationship and how it works unless you are in it, but the fact that someone out there was willing and wanted to commit to those women was something great to know.
Sort of like seeing a hidden mystery.

I don’t pity myself.
But I do think that it would be SUPER AWESOME to know that there was at least one person in this world with a billion other souls that wanted.. JUST ME..

I see so many memes about love and different quotes, all of the same category,
&& I swear they seem to know when to pop up and I saw one yesterday that made me think a lot more about what I am missing in life…

Of course they say that you don’t need someone to make you feel complete but chances are the person saying that has terrible luck or is with someone. It is like a win/win/lose/lose kind of topic.

Sucks don’t it?

But I really do wonder sometimes what it would be like again..
What it would be like to wake up to a simple text like.
“Hey.” or even “Good Morning”.

(see, I told you I was basic!)

But even something as small as that I would love, I crave… Maybe?

Then that also got me thinking about everything else.
Like my job or why I cant even find a second job..
Why is it all so hard, why do all odds seem to be against me

(Shouldn’t I have my life together by now? Or do they say by 30 you should have your life together.. I guess I still have sometime there, but I don’t see much changing :/ , I mean its not like it is a law or something… right.. right! RIGHT?? )

Moving along..

Some might think that maybe I am being too picky…

No, I am not being picky,
I just can’t figure out what I am doing wrong to be successful in that aspect.

Even looking for an apartment to downsize in, has been challenging and being completely opened to a 40 minute radius has seemed to fail me .. I don’t get it.
(I think for this one it is safe to just blame on life..??? )

But one of the things that have sucked the most for me is not being able to be the parent with all the answers…

Seeming to fail my child when I am still trying to figure things out myself.. Sucks.
I mean to be fair parenting is not something I think that anyone can master.
It is just one of those things. It is life…

But

Yes, I would love to have a house with a backyard,
more like a townhouse I would be good with,
but I can’t give that to myself or my child. && it sucks.

&& it is something as little as that, just to have a home, not an apartment, a house.
Its crazy that I can’t even do that!

Because it is just me

I think it will always be just me.
For whatever reason…

But I am sure that it will be okay because maybe one day (fingers crossed) I will be able to make that little goal and it will make the world of a difference in our lives…  🙂

It is like when they say.

” There is no use of crying over spilled milk.”

xoxoLaLa

 

 

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