Delicate Time

I laid in bed,
watching my fan for a good 15 minutes,
just go back and forth,
feeling the little bit of air every time it passes by me.
I felt nothing.
I feel nothing.
Maybe thats called emptiness? Maybe it is just all in my head? Or maybe it is just me finally realizing that I have been on the wrong path for so long and I am not sure how to start over or let go?
Yeah.
That last one sounds like the right path. The reason for all this that I feel.

I literally can’t even begin to explain the almost hate that I have.
The hate from myself, the hate that you brought. You.
The words are still not clear in which I want to speak them in.
They float in my head in no particular style.
I have no idea what order I wish to spill all these words out in.
But the theme for it is all the same….

Time will tell.

For so long I have been stuck in this circle,  I found a way out (multiple times) but decided at the end of the day that I wanted to go for another spin.

And another,
and another.

I never would of thought I could be on repeat for so long. Literally running day in and day out without getting anywhere. But the catch is that I knew. I have always known that it would turn out this way. But I stayed. I stayed on false hope. I stayed in that cycle because I was to afraid to leave. Sometimes it felt like it was the end of the world and it wouldn’t get any better than.. this… than that…   I know it sounds stupid.. and I was stupid… but I am learning.

The one thing in life that is the most precious is time.
Time is something that people tend to take for granted.
Time is something that people forget or don’t care about.
Time is something that gets wasted in what seems to be 99% of the time we are awake. Who knows how much of it gets wasted in the time that we slumber….
The time we are actually living our lives…. is too short to play around with..
Say what you mean && mean what you say…
Tell me, why do people take time out of their day to waste someone else’s time?

Why do people feel the need to do something to this “extreme”?
Are they bored? Are they unhappy? Or is this all just a game?
I feel like all the answers are valid… sadly

Life is way to short for all the era bullshit.
Nobody wants it nor do they need it.
Bite the bullet and move the fuck on.
If your not here for me then please leave.
I will be sure to save you forever in my memory and nothing more.

xoxoLaLa

 

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