You, You come first

Attention! Attention!



I got some news.
… well more like something to say/share.

&& as far as I know this could be helping someone out there who can relate to this situation…. or someone who is just really likes reading what I post! 🙂 (thumbs up)

First and foremost, I would like to state that I am an extremely caring person and do not like to let people down or anything of that nature. (its a gift && a curse) Even if a person does me wrong a billion times…. I just don’t have it in my heart to be the same way towards them and or go down to their level… I believe that everyone is the way they are for a reason && everyone gets certain things in life that “cater” to their personalities throughout life, whether they like it or not, it is what it is…

I have never really been the one to bring someone down….(if I care about them, obvi)
I mean I have no problem dragging someone through the gosh darn mud and back again followed by a sugar back slap…if need be, but there is always a reason if I feel the need too… 🙂 (big smile)

But I look at things like this.. life is sort of short. I mean it can literally seem to pass by within a blink of an eye. Then you look back and see all the time  you wasted and the things you could of done but instead your mind was elsewhere.. it happens to the best of us. (believe me I know, Im just awesome.. moving on…)

One thing that I am slowly learning is that I have not been happy. Almost to the point where I didn’t even know what it is suppose to feel like. I mean you could always pretend like the cool kids, but it is important to know that you can’t try to make other people happy and not keep yourself happy. It is damn near impossible, because all the while that you are busting your ass to make someone feel special they could give two left nuts… (yes, both left nuts) about anything that has to do with you. You are then just a second option.

You know like when they only come around when it is convenient for them. Like for example, when you go to the store to go buy something but its too expensive and then you keep coming back to see if it went down in price and weeks later it finally does and then thats when your wanted. Yea, your that month old milk that was moved to the discount shelf… lol

But in all seriousness, you gotta think about yourself first..
1 million percent, you gotta come first….
&& you have to remember that you are the main chicken wang that matters!
No clucks about it.


Now how do you like them apples!



Can you just give me some… fucking space sir?

Here is the latest topic up for discussion today… well question of the blog today..
Why do people feel the need to stand so close to other people?

You know what I mean?
I know this has happened to you at some point in your life.
Maybe more times than you would have liked to experience.
Here is a prime example of what I mean…
Lets say you are standing in a line at the bank and people feel the need to be all up in your booty space. What do you do? How do you feel? Violated? (red flashing lights)
Be honest you just want to tell this person behind you to back up
Back the fuck up bitch.. either or

And then you have the people who do shit like this… for example…

When you move like a half a step, they feel the need to do 3 steps to no where.
&& all you want to do is turn around a slap a bitch.. (two times)

That is something I will literally never understand. EVER.
It would maybe, maybe be different if it actually made the line move faster but it doesn’t, and it never will..
So please, again, back up out of my booty space ,please.
Everyone needs to learn what personal space. I don’t know you. We arent dating. (Or are we) lol just kidding but still, it is one of the most irritating things in the WORLD. 

Like I just can’t. I literally just can’t. I can’t bring myself, personally to be all up against someone in line, mainly because its not that serious.
I found out that it is usually like older people.. for some reason. Maybe they are tired of waiting in line, (even though they clearly just got there) Or maybe they just think I smell really good, even though I let out a couple of gas nuggets moments before they walked in? Ha jk but seriously why though?

I am starting to think that this is a secret club and the goal is to annoy the shit out of people with this invasion of space. Like they tally people throughout the day and every night they go back to their secret meeting place and showcase their scores…. too far?

On another note.
It is the worst when you are with a child and the people feel the need to be close to them its like alright Barb, here is where I draw the goddamn line. Back the fuck off this kid of I’ll break kick your kneecap backwards…lol okay seriously

…But in all seriousness.. doesn’t that annoy you to no end.. or is it just me?..


One Time For My Brow Girls

Shout out to the people who are super blessed to have real life eyebrows! lol
No pencil needed!

First, I would like to say that I am jealous of you all.
You have no idea the struggle that I have had trying to fill in these lines above my eyes.
Trying to get them all even and “realistic” && shit daily.. it can suck…
Seriously… it can, I wouldn’t lie to you.. It is just so goddamn time consuming and I don’t even care half the time.
They will literally be a different shape and style everyday.
That is where my brows and I stand…

Where did that come from you might ask???
…heres the quick version.

I was on Instagram, just browsing through the the search part of the app, and I see this girl and her brows were super thick. (almost too thick)

Thick like a milkshake,
This like molasses,
Thick like a stack of pancakes

Thicker than the straw!
Just plain ole thick, (I think I was able to paint a good ass picture for you just now).. lol

So I clicked on her picture and profile only to learn that they were natural…
I was all like damnnnnn..
(lol too far???)

Brows to be proud of.
Brows with personality.
Brows of the future.



But anyways.
On that note.

I have that love/hate relationship with it.
There are some days where I want to go “all out” with my make up but most of the times (more recently) I have just been doing the basic.

(Basic Bitch Alert)

Guys have it so easy.
I say that way to often, but it seems like a legit statement.
But I would be an ugly guy.
Maybe, but maybe I would have some bomb ass eyebrows.
The world will never know though… ha



Delicate Time

I laid in bed,
watching my fan for a good 15 minutes,
just go back and forth,
feeling the little bit of air every time it passes by me.
I felt nothing.
I feel nothing.
Maybe thats called emptiness? Maybe it is just all in my head? Or maybe it is just me finally realizing that I have been on the wrong path for so long and I am not sure how to start over or let go?
That last one sounds like the right path. The reason for all this that I feel.

I literally can’t even begin to explain the almost hate that I have.
The hate from myself, the hate that you brought. You.
The words are still not clear in which I want to speak them in.
They float in my head in no particular style.
I have no idea what order I wish to spill all these words out in.
But the theme for it is all the same….

Time will tell.

For so long I have been stuck in this circle,  I found a way out (multiple times) but decided at the end of the day that I wanted to go for another spin.

And another,
and another.

I never would of thought I could be on repeat for so long. Literally running day in and day out without getting anywhere. But the catch is that I knew. I have always known that it would turn out this way. But I stayed. I stayed on false hope. I stayed in that cycle because I was to afraid to leave. Sometimes it felt like it was the end of the world and it wouldn’t get any better than.. this… than that…   I know it sounds stupid.. and I was stupid… but I am learning.

The one thing in life that is the most precious is time.
Time is something that people tend to take for granted.
Time is something that people forget or don’t care about.
Time is something that gets wasted in what seems to be 99% of the time we are awake. Who knows how much of it gets wasted in the time that we slumber….
The time we are actually living our lives…. is too short to play around with..
Say what you mean && mean what you say…
Tell me, why do people take time out of their day to waste someone else’s time?

Why do people feel the need to do something to this “extreme”?
Are they bored? Are they unhappy? Or is this all just a game?
I feel like all the answers are valid… sadly

Life is way to short for all the era bullshit.
Nobody wants it nor do they need it.
Bite the bullet and move the fuck on.
If your not here for me then please leave.
I will be sure to save you forever in my memory and nothing more.



Finding Strength

Struggling to keep my composure.
Struggling to not think about you, or anything that has to do with you.

It sucks, but it has to be done.

I don’t want to keep living this life for someone else that never cared.
I don’t want to keep living my life without you though.
I don’t want to keep living my life with you in my thoughts.
I don’t want to keep feeling the sadness that I once thought was all happiness.

I miss you,
I miss you more than you will ever know.


A little bit of time has passed,
Time that I didn’t get to speak to you.
Time that I didn’t get to see you….
I had the chance,
I just opted not to.
I wanted to see if you would still be there if I took a step back.
I wanted to see if you really cared for me or at least thought about me.
But you didn’t.

What was I thinking?

This whole time I was blinded,
Blinded by hope and maybe even desperation.
I wanted you to want the same things that I did..
But I was wrong.


It was a lie.
A lie in which I let go on for way too long.
A lie that would string me for years to come.

I was just happy with you.
Very happy.
The thought of you made my heart skip a beat.
(Even years later)
Every time I would see your name, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
You made me the happiest I have ever been…
In such a long time.


You made me smile from ear to ear, everyday for so long
I couldn’t wait to wake up the next morning to hear from you.

But we were never truly on the same page.


Never let anyone be the reason to your happiness.
Include them.
Do not let them be the main reason.
Be happy.
Find you.
Who needs em?
Not you!