The “Skinny” Girl

I have always been the kind of person who was born “lucky”. (in a sense)
And when I say that, I am talking about something very specific that I couldn’t help because it was just the way I have always been.
&& some people thought of me as being”lucky”. (Stupid right!?)

Let’s dive a little more deeper.
(but I am pretty sure you are able to figure out what this is all about from the title!)
I have always been a fairly “skinny” person.
I put the word in quotes because.. I don’t know. Some people make it sound ridiculous.
I guess when I was in high school it was like the best thing ever??
And being thin was the “IT” thing….? Or some shit like that..

Even when I was pregnant I only weight maybe 135 lbs, && again…
I couldn’t help that.
I can say though, that after the fact I was indeed lucky to go right back into “shape”.
But the whole point of this blog is that just because you are skinny does not mean your in shape.
That is one thing that I literally hated hearing, && still do dislike hearing.

Here are some of the struggles of being skinny;

  1. I can tell someone my current weight and they do not believe me.
    Apparently it is a lie.
    It’s crazy isn’t it!?
    Why would anyone lie about something so minimal like that?
  2. Some people seem to think that you don’t eat a lot and you have a problem.
    Aka you have an eating disorder. 🙄
  3. People say that I don’t need to work out because I am skinny, when being skinny has nothing.
    NOTHING to do with being in shape && healthy. 🙃
  4.  Someone is always constantly reminding me that I am skinny.
  5. When you are excited that you put on some weight or even mention you want to gain weigh, for some reason it seems to be an issue.&& there goes an eye roll
    🙄🙄🙄
  6. Everyone always thinks that your going to just become obese when you hit a certain again, like everyone’s body is the same.
    Seriously probably one of the most annoying things I have ever heard.
    Clearly everyone is not the same or built the same or even eats the same and has the same issues.
    Sounds like a tiny bit of jealousy!? Not saying that people are jealous of me per say but generally speaking when there is that sort of “hate” or “negativity” for no reason what so ever.

Anyways…
I guess 6 is good for right now. lol

I just basically wanted to say that because being skinny is not everything.
Coming from a skinny person!
There are real life struggles of someone being skinny that is really not what it is all cracked up to be.
So people just need to settle down and think about what you are going to say to someone that you find to be “too skinny”
We all have feelings and it is not pleasant to hear certain things, that are pretty much insulting, even though others might think it is a compliment.

But it is not.
K thanks.
Until next time.

Just be beautiful in the skin you are in!

xoxoLaLa

Afraid

This is the thing that scares me the most about my blog. 
I always want to write and make content entertaining enough for those who want to read it, but sometimes I can’t get the words out in the right kind of way.

It is like I am almost afraid to write,
Like I am going to discover something unknown or something weird like that
(I know, my mind has all kinds of tricks up its’ sleeve)

But anyways..

That is mainly why my post have been so scattered, just like my brain 90% of the time,
it’s crazy && I also don’t post unless I feel 200% confident about what I am putting out, (minus like my one blog that pretty much states that this post makes no sense. )

There was a time in my life where I had a somewhat steady YouTube Channel
Using steady in the way meaning that I uploaded regularly. 
There are times when I do miss it.

Moving forward,

So the other day, I was in my car, and started to vlog something.
I charged my camera while I was getting ready in the morning && decided to bring it along with me for the day.

This was finally it, I was going to make a video and possibly post it to my channel after a good year or more. I haven’t watched it back but I speak my mind when I feel the need to and rant to myself just to get it out of my head and into the space in front of me. 

None of it will probably make sense, but I am ready to not be afraid to put my thoughts into the world, in hopes someone can relate. 

(Even though with this blog I have been doing it this whole time.)

Thank you so much ☺️

&&

Enjoy! 

xoxoLaLa

Undiscovered Love

The reason I am alone is because of you,
It has been years,
years of me wanting you && only you
Years of wanting,
years of dreaming of my happiness, with you

There is something about you that can bring a smile to my face
There is something about you that will brighten my day
The only reason why my heart can skip a beat after all this time
The connection that we have is what can make some jealous

My heart goes out to you
My heart beats for you
My life would be complete with you right next to me
But somethings have to wait,
The years that we have spent have been enjoyable

&& with you,
you never left my mind,
you’ve always have a spot in my heart
Where it beats, forever && a day..

Even if it is not with me…

That is the kind of love that some people have no yet discovered.
Some are selfish && don’t wish to let the other person grow.
They don’t want them to seek true happiness when they know it is not with them anymore…

What one might fail to see is that no matter what
Your heart will keep beating.
Yes, it might hurt for sometime, but it is still beating.
It is still in you
It is still yours

We all suffer a lost love at least once in our life time
&& that is okay.

Remember that,
Cherish that,

You will live another day,
You will love another more,

Remember the good times,
Cherish the memories,
Smile at them always,

But remember yourself first

You are not the reason that I am alone
You are not the reason that my heart beats
You are the reason that I can see clear
You are the reason I am free
Free as a bird
Free as a bee

Forever you will remember me

❤️

xoxoLaLa

 

ASMR ..tap…type…tap..

So I absolutely love watching/listening to ASMR videos.
If you haven’t experienced an ASMR video, I highly suggest that you do!

(As I am typing these words I noticed that I am whispering like they do..lol)

So I thought to myself.. what if I attempted to do an ASMR blog post..

( I am dying of laughter just thinking about how ridiculous this sounds but hey that’s what I am here for!)

Will it work?

…probably not

but I am sure I can make something fun out of it..

So without further a due.. ha lets get to it!

So I decided that I am going to go with the classic setting of cutting your hair.

Let us begin!

Soft whisper:

(Literally I would like you to read this aloud in a soft whisper, you know to get the whole effect 😉)

“Hello there.
Thank you for coming to heyhihello salon.
Did you find the place okay”.. okay okay okay. (dramatic right?) (lmao kill me now)

“Very good. I am going to need to get some information from you.”

“Okay, so what is your name?”  Scribble scribble scribble

“Okay, very good, now what time is your appointment. Scribble scribble scribble scribble

“&& the name of the person who you made an appointment for?” …for ..for ..for

Mhmmm. Scribble scribble scribble scribble scribble

“Thank you.”

“Come this way. I will take you to your seat.”

Swish. Swish. Swish. (Don’t ask, I have no idea what the whole swish, swish was about)

(Whomever you had your appointment with is waiting with a smile and says…)

“Hello.”

“What are you looking to get done to your hair today?”

Mmhmm. Mmhmmm

“Okay.”

“Sure I can get that done for you.”

(A trim)

Let’s start by combing your hair and then moving over to the sink to wash your hair.”

Brush. Brush. Brush.

Comb. Comb. Comb.

(Now for this part say it in between slow breaths, really pronouncing every letter)

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

Brush.

“Very good.”

“Let me help you over to the sink.

“Here have a seat.” seat. seat. seat. seat

Splash. Splash. Woosh. Woosh.

Scrub. Scrub.

Woosh. Splash. Woosh. Splash. Splash. Scrub.

(I literally have no idea how to even describe how water sounds. I guess I should of thought this through all the way but I am legit just having the time of my life right now! )

“Let me grab a towel for you and we can get our hair dried and ready for your trim.”
trim. trim

Okay so side note: we are just going to fast forward to the actual trim.

Comb. comb.

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip. Snip. Comb.

Snip.

“It is looking good already, I hope you like it as much as I do!”

Snip. Clip. Snip. Comb. Snip.

“Okay, you are all done!”

“Take a look!”

“Do you like it?.. .I knew you would!”

(She probably hates it but it’s okay, I am going to take this as a win..lol)

“Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day!”

Alright. (Back to normal voice/writing)

So I kind of liked that, I mean it wasn’t super detailed but then again I mean I was just winging it because I thought it would be an interestingly, differently, amazingly kind of post.

You know, like something to shake it up a bit without going over board.
But eh. Maybe I did. Whatever.

Anyways. I hope you had fun participating with me.
I kind of sort of wish that you were able to hear me do this post aloud.

Super Duper side note:

I did on my Instagram read a post before && am not opposed to doing another one if anyone really cares that much 🙂

Anywho.

Thanks for reading.

We shall meet again!

xoxoLaLa

 

Just Me

If you don’t write it down when it is fresh on the mind, the passion will be lost in the words.

Story of the day:

So I was out and about, had to make a stop somewhere to pick up some paperwork for the summer and I noticed something similar with the three women that were there.

One behind the register and two customers stand side by side waiting to be done with their transactions.
I first noticed the woman directly next to me on my right. She had her hand resting on her cheek and then I saw it!

She was wearing a wedding ring.
&& so were the other two women.

(I know it doesn’t sound like much but….)
So I was thinking to myself while being there like “wow“..
I never really been the kind of person who was all about getting married or even dreamt of such a thing.

..I guess you could say that I was pretty basic and didn’t care about things like that.
Which is fine and no shade to anyone who is opposite of that.

Anyways…

So I get back in my car and have a long self talk about my life in general.
I slowly realized that this is not the life that I wanted for myself, or even thought to have.
Which sounds terrible to say out loud and in writing, but it is my truth.

Maybe there are somethings that I regret here and there but nothing super major.
After seeing that, obviously no one truly knows a relationship and how it works unless you are in it, but the fact that someone out there was willing and wanted to commit to those women was something great to know.
Sort of like seeing a hidden mystery.

I don’t pity myself.
But I do think that it would be SUPER AWESOME to know that there was at least one person in this world with a billion other souls that wanted.. JUST ME..

I see so many memes about love and different quotes, all of the same category,
&& I swear they seem to know when to pop up and I saw one yesterday that made me think a lot more about what I am missing in life…

Of course they say that you don’t need someone to make you feel complete but chances are the person saying that has terrible luck or is with someone. It is like a win/win/lose/lose kind of topic.

Sucks don’t it?

But I really do wonder sometimes what it would be like again..
What it would be like to wake up to a simple text like.
“Hey.” or even “Good Morning”.

(see, I told you I was basic!)

But even something as small as that I would love, I crave… Maybe?

Then that also got me thinking about everything else.
Like my job or why I cant even find a second job..
Why is it all so hard, why do all odds seem to be against me

(Shouldn’t I have my life together by now? Or do they say by 30 you should have your life together.. I guess I still have sometime there, but I don’t see much changing :/ , I mean its not like it is a law or something… right.. right! RIGHT?? )

Moving along..

Some might think that maybe I am being too picky…

No, I am not being picky,
I just can’t figure out what I am doing wrong to be successful in that aspect.

Even looking for an apartment to downsize in, has been challenging and being completely opened to a 40 minute radius has seemed to fail me .. I don’t get it.
(I think for this one it is safe to just blame on life..??? )

But one of the things that have sucked the most for me is not being able to be the parent with all the answers…

Seeming to fail my child when I am still trying to figure things out myself.. Sucks.
I mean to be fair parenting is not something I think that anyone can master.
It is just one of those things. It is life…

But

Yes, I would love to have a house with a backyard,
more like a townhouse I would be good with,
but I can’t give that to myself or my child. && it sucks.

&& it is something as little as that, just to have a home, not an apartment, a house.
Its crazy that I can’t even do that!

Because it is just me

I think it will always be just me.
For whatever reason…

But I am sure that it will be okay because maybe one day (fingers crossed) I will be able to make that little goal and it will make the world of a difference in our lives…  🙂

It is like when they say.

” There is no use of crying over spilled milk.”

xoxoLaLa